There is never a shortage of opinions about one Mr. Kevin Federline and the unfortunate preoccupation of the entertainment media with him due to his “Britney connection”.
This is a man who, had fate not intervened in the person of a certain blonde music superstar, would likely still be delivering pizzas or working behind the counter at a bowling alley somewhere, renting shoes to patrons.
K-Fed, as he is popularly known, has fueled the disgust of many with his tacky conduct and shameless use of his soon-to-be-former-wife’s celebrity to promote his own show business “goals”.
It seems an ironic sense of justice that a guy who dumped his previous lover- mother of one of his children and pregnant with yet another- has now been dumped himself by the walking meal ticket he replaced her with.
There will, obviously, be some adjustments for the Kev-ster to make, so I am offering these New Year’s resolution suggestions to him:
1. Humble yourself.
Self-confidence is a good thing, but you seem to have “delusions of grandeur”.
The public resents cocky people, particularly when they don’t have a true reason to be cocky.
If you want some sympathy, you need to be able to admit where you’ve been wrong and to refrain from acting as though the world owes you its attention.
Spending a large part of your existence getting drunk and smoking doobies is a foolish path to take.
These habits may seem enjoyable now, but they will end up taking their toll on you eventually. Continuing to overindulge yourself in harmful addictions is not only unhealthy, but just plain stupid.
Get into rehab, for your own sake and for your children’s.
3. Dare to succeed on your own merits.
Develop the moral courage to forge a life based upon your own merits, not on your past or present association with somebody else.
You are no longer going to be able to stand on Britney’s shoulders to have success, because your clout will go down dramatically, post-bustup.
Work on getting a better attitude and be willing to learn something new, if it’s necessary. Develop a philosophy that’s positive and find a real purpose in life that isn’t propelled by self-centeredness.
4. Do a self-inventory
The fact that your life is not going the way you had hoped means changes are due.
Do some self-examination to determine what faults, shortcomings, bad habits, etc. you have that put you in your present circumstances.
Most of us are least truthful about ourselves, but we still have to own up to how we really are, if we want to improve ourselves.
5. Learn how to respect women.
You have proven, from your treatment of the women in your life, that you have little or no regard for women. They are merely a means to an end for you, either for your sexual gratification or for your personal gain.
You have a penchant for using women for your own selfish purposes. You take advantage of their love for you and their willingness to please you, then don’t even respect them enough to be faithful to them.
You are the father of a daughter, Kevin. Would you want some man coming into her life and treating her the same way you have her mother and step-mother?
Make it your goal for the new year to change your ways in this area, so that your children will not grow up thinking that your current conduct is acceptable.
6. Never, never marry anyone again.
You do not have the slightest concept of what real commitment is, so, please do not marry anybody else.
You are incapable of the kind of loyalty and unselfishness it takes to help build a solid marriage and you know that. You are more suited for being a gigolo than a husband.
No doubt, you will find plenty of women-probably older, rich, bored ones- who will want your company for awhile and even lavish a few trinkets on you until they get tired of you.
Don’t wed anyone else unless you truly love them and intend to be loyal.
7. Stop pro-creating.
Children are an important responsibility.
You appear to believe that your ability to impregnate women makes you “the man”. However, contributing your sperm hasn’t a thing to do with what real fatherhood is.
Fathers teach by example. If that is true, you are teaching your kids that it’s okay to cheat, get high and use others. If you think they will abide by the “don’t do as I do, but do as I say” rule, you are sadly mistaken. Children live what they learn from our example.
I don’t believe you want to make the sacrifices that good fathers make to ensure their children grow up sound, safe and emotionally unscarred. You are way too into yourself to put aside your own wants for the sake of your kids.
Stop making babies, if you don’t know how to be a decent father to them.
8. Find something you’re really good at instead of what you wish you were good at.
You evidently fancy yourself to be a rapper, as evidenced by your recent artistic ventures. Rap, from my understanding, is largely birthed from the pain and anger of experiencing the hardships of life in the inner city.
Kevin, dear, you were born in Fresno. Probably the closest thing to actual angst you experienced growing up was getting a paper cut.
Rap artists are cool and they make megabucks, so maybe that’s why you have attempted to join their ranks. However, you have not lived the kind of life that gives you genuine familiarity with the anguish that fuels rap music. Listeners know you’re a phony and don’t appreciate it.
The reviews of your album from rap purists have been brutal and they will be even more merciless now that you are about to be “solo”. Why keep on at a career that is doomed to fail?
Everybody has a gift in life. find out what yours really is and then use it.
9. Learn to embrace anonymity, because you are going to be experiencing it soon.
Most men would bristle at being called “Mr. Britney Spears”, but you have reveled in it, being the opportunist that you are.
You actually had the audacity to charge people $20,000 for you to make a guest appearance at their parties and there were idiots stupid enough to purchase these “services”.
I advise you to get ready for a huge letdown, now that you are close to being unhitched to your wife, because the same people who used to pay you show up at their parties will probably not even let you get through the door now, not even if you paid them.
All the perks you got as an attachment to Britney will disappear totally the moment the ink is dry on the final divorce papers. Sure, your notoriety may get you a few gigs from the curious in the years to come, but once Britney hooks up with another man, the paparazzi will forget you and devote themselves to pursuing him. All the product endorsements that used to go to you will now go to him and you will be relegated to being the answer to a trivia question.
Even as I write this, your pseudo-fame is beginning to fizzle, so you need to get used to this harsh reality.
10. Help somebody else.
Life is not all about you. There are throngs of folks who need encouragement and a helping hand.
Why not volunteer for something like working with Habitat for Humanity to build houses for less fortunate people? They will accept your assistance, whether you are famous or not.
Not only will you aid others, but you might even become a decent human being because of it.