With the new year fast approaching its time to start thinking about those New Year Resolutions. Even though I try not to make resolutions for myself I do have a few that I will make. One of those is I resolve to become a better writer. Also I resolve to make enough money to finally fix my car. I am sure that most of us will have our own resolutions. A lot of people will make resolutions about losing weight, better job, learn a new skill, spending time with a loved one – the list is endless for what we make resolutions for.
With that in mind wouldn’t it be nice to get a glimpse into the resolutions of some of our politicians. Considering some of the stupid things they do or say it would be nice to know they are going to work to do better then in the past. Let’s take a look at what some politicians could or should resolve for the New Year.
1. Howard Dean (former presidential candidate) – I resolve to be careful about what the f*** I say. Oooooooops!
2. Mark Foley (suspected of sending sexually explicit internet messages) – I resolve forgo any further solicitation of teenage boys until such time I can prove I never did it in the first place.
3. Tom Delay (indicted on corruption charges for campaign finance laws) – I resolve to pay back for my mistakes and here is some money for your support.
4. Arnold Schwarzenegger (allegedly groped six women) – I resolve to stop groping women without invited to do so. I’ll be back!
5. Dan Quayle (misspoke often before, during and after his V.P term) – I resolve to go back to school and get a brain. If only there was a real Wizard of Oz to make it easier.
6. Bill Clinton (former President of the U.S and Monica’s favorite) – I resolve to stop insisting that Hillary refers to herself as a Lewinsky’s sister. There can be only one Monica.
7. Dick Cheney (V.P of the United States) – I resolve to take better aim. See if he gets away from me the next time. I also resolve to stay awake during meetings (caught in what appeared to be slumber. A Republican spokesperson stated that the V.P was only reviewing his notes and not sleeping as it appeared.) I also resolve to stop referring to the President as the Big Nerd.
8. Hilary Clinton – I resolve to stop wishing I was a Lewinsky sister. I resolve to stop complaining when Bill lights up a cigar and tells me while sucking on it, “See Hilary this is how it is done.”
9. Ted Kennedy – I resolve to put down the bottle – right after I finish the last few shots, have a couple of good belts, drive a car into a cannel and forget that I ever resolved to do any of this.
10. George W. Bush – I pr promise to resolve to stop talking like a blooming idiot. I also resolve to stop calling Condoleezza Rice – Baby Cup (ha). And I resolve to stop referring to Dick “shot gun” Cheney as the Washington Terror.
These are just a few of the resolutions we could hope for from some of our politicians this New Year. I won’t hold my breath though. Chances are they will be to busy bringing in the New Year over at the Clinton’s and singing the Monica Lewinsky Song – in the tune of Oscar Meyer Wiener ………
“Oh, I wish you were a Presidential wiener. That is what I really wish for me. Cause if you were a Presidential wiener. The world would see me down on my knees.”