One of the problems I have with today’s bands is that they’ve got some of the most lackluster, un-creative names imaginable, from Fallout Boy (yeah, yeah, you like the Simpsons, I don’t have a band called Norm from Cheers) to Green Day (cuz of teh p0t!).
Naming a band can be hard when nearly any name you can think of has been taken. That’s why I’ve come up with a few band names that haven’t been taken that are really marketable and strong enough to knock an audience on their collective ass. Check these out:
1. Jurassic Park, The Band. The movies were popular enough to spawn a set of highly successful sequels, so why not promote your band the old fashioned way by ripping off an established flick about dinosaurs?
When someone asks you what you sound like, just say, “like a horde of velociraptors encircling you on all sides in a wheat field.” They’ll know exactly what you mean. If they don’t, start rambling on and on about Chaos Theory. That’ll learn ’em.
2. The Not-Gays. This is a great one because the heckles won’t make sense.
“Hey, you guys are gay!” your heckler will say.
“No, actually, look at the banner, moron,” you’ll retort.
“Aw, crap! Hoisted on my own pitard!” the heckler will say.
And everyone will dance, dance, dance.
3. The Cowboy, The Pirate, and The Astronaut – This is a great one for a three piece band. One person dresses up like each character, thereby giving your band a gimmick that will cause your fans to look past the fact that you totally suck. It’s common knowledge that every human on the planet earth likes either cowboys, pirates, or astronauts or some combination of the three, so you’ve pretty much got universal appeal by going for this.
4. To Be Announced (TBA) – The great thing about naming your band TBA is that you’d automatically have a ton of gigs. Just call places up when you see “TBA” on their band list and explain that you weren’t aware of the show being booked, but you’ll be glad to play it. If they don’t hang up on you, you’re in! Now, show up with a bunch of cross-dressing fans. Venues will be so confused that they’ll have to have you back.
5. Scimitar Unicorn – The coolest thing in the world is a bitchin’ scimitar. The most magical is a unicorn. Put them together and you’ve got one badass magical creature.
If you use this band name, I must insist that you play your guitars with scimitars and ride around ponies naked with a horn super-glued to the animal’s head. Also, you must play metal music. Killer.