If you have been out recently to do your holiday shopping, you have realized that maybe some people didn’t get the memo about “Tis’ The Season To Be Jolly”. Seems people out there are in a bad mood recently. I don’t understand why, this is the season to sit back and be thankful for what you have, and enjoy the season. Unfortunately it’s hard to enjoy the season when you feel you have a target on your back.
On a recent trick to the mall, I felt that I forgot to pay my entry fee for the local demolition derby. I saw cars racing around corners in the parking lot, sending parents scurrying with their kids in their hands to get out of the way of the quest for that last parking spot on earth! Hmm, what? You say there are other parking spots but it might take you another 5 minutes to get one, or add 2-3 minutes to your walk across the parking lot? The horror!! I agree, maybe terrorizing mankind with your cars is a better use of your time. By the way did you get that spot you were racing to? Didn’t think so, good luck hunting down your next victim, I mean parking spot.
Then once in the store it’s time to hunt around for that person who is almost impossible to find this time of year. No, of course I don’t mean Santa, he’s near every food court in every mall in the area. I mean a helpful salesperson. They are usually either hiding in the back of the store in the stockroom, or working their hardest….. to ignore the customers. Let’s assume you are lucky enough to find a salesperson though (see they do exist!), once they “help” you find what you are looking for you get to stand in line.
In line at your local department store you will meet all kinds of characters. There are the grinches who feel buying presents for others is a chore; the overly talkative grandmother who wants to show you every picture of their grandchildren they have ever taken; The “tapper”, this is the person who is inpatient and can’t stop tapping his feet impatiently, of course he is better than the “George Carlin wannabee” repeating all of the 7 words you can’t say on television or radio over and over again no matter how many kids are in the area. Then at the end of the line you get to deal with the cashier. They act like they have just presented you a winning megamillions ticket by helping you pay for your items.
After all the shopping, maybe you will be in the mood for a nice snack. Well you enter the third world area of the mall known as the food court. Here anything goes when racing to get an open table. I have actually seen a mother toss their infant onto the table to claim it! Of course you have to be very careful to protect your spot once you have one. If you step away from your table for one second somebody will perform their “public service of the day” by removing your half eaten food items and throwing them away. Oh and no I’m not referring to the mall employees, I’m referring to your fellow shoppers. They are vicious this time of year. You could ask them who pee’ed in their cheerios, but you don’t dare because that might be the next method they use to claim a seat!
Finally, after “enjoying” your meal and finishing your shopping it’s time to go home. Oh but not before you have a couple more treats on the way out of the parking lot. First you find sale flyers all over your windshield. Yeah, do they really think someone returning to their car would want to go back in there? I think they’d rather attend a dinner with the guests from today’s Jerry Springer show more than that. Of course you still have to get your car out of the parking spot. On the way to it you will have apparently done your best immitation of “The Pied Piper” because there will be a line of 5-6 cars following you and trying to run you over as you head to your spot. Once in the spot it will be inevitable that someone will block you in while “waiting for your spot” then the glaring contest begins until someone moves so you can get out, better bring your shoe horn because you’ll need it to get through the small amount of space they give you.
Then you will return home and your spouse will greet you with “Boy you should hear about my day today at work, you are lucky you got to go out and shop all day and didn’t have the stress of the workplace”!
Remember though this is the season to be jolly, it only comes once a year!
Seriously though, take some time away from the season’s hectic pace and step away and relax, it’ll make the holidays much more enjoyable.