“Poor George… He can’t help it – he was born with a silver foot in his mouth.” Ann Richards.
Ann Richards gave this memorable line so entertainingly at the Democratic National Convention in 1988, when referring to then Vice-President George H. W. Bush. However, she could just as well have been describing his wealthy son.
The line plays on the old joke about the rich being “born with a silver spoon in their mouths”, with Richards painting Bush as being out of touch with the American public because of a wealthy upbringing. Richards joked each time Bush opened his mouth, he was prone to gaffes, since the wealthy can’t know the struggles of the common man.
There’s another saying. “What do you get the person who has everything?”
Bush’s Christmas list will undoubtedly be filled by well to do family, friends and perhaps a few wealthy politcal strangers, but although he may get everything he wants, how about what he needs?
Let’s play secret Santa for President Bush, America. Remember, our rich president will get everything he wants, so let’s try to come up with some stuff he really needs.
Genuine Cowboy Hat With Thick Flack Guard
Our president is a Texas rancher by adoption, since he wasn’t even born in the lone star state. Still as a ranch owner and a Texan by choice, he owns many cowboy hats. He doesn’t need anymore, right? Well, what he does need is a big, cowboy hat with guard to shield him from all the flack. Rumsfeld recently resigned. The military mission in Iraq grows more perilous, unpopular and parallels to Vietnam grow by the day. Hiding under his cowboy flack hat at press conferences and other appearances will help him weather the storm of unpopular opinion. He won’t look funny, he’ll just remind us all that he’s a Texan!
Military Style Walk-Talkie To Contact All Knowing Military Advisors
George W. Bush is in regular contact with his military advisors. He’s a hands on kind of guy. So he doesn’t need more contact, but he does need a walkie-talkie. Bush needs a special kind of communication device; a radio to contact the people who will give him the solution to a proper exit strategy out of Iraq. My question concerning this gift is, even if he gets such a walkie-talkie, will he use it? There’s more than one person around (Richard Clarke) who tells us he doesn’t listen to advice much at all. This is a high-tech, pricey gizmo. George, if we give you this gadget, will you at least try it? Even once, for good luck?
A Bible Inscribed By A Very Special Someone
We know our president is a devout Christian. George W. Bush quotes scripture and attends church regularly. His power base derives in large part with fundamentalist Christian conservatives. He most likely owns many bibles, so ours must be something truly special. It will contain an inscription by Pastor Ted Haggard, whose gay male prostitute and drug scandal brought him low this year, seeing him beg for forgiveness from God, his shattered family and his stunned flock. We can’t say exactly what Pastor Haggard would write, but it might go like this:
“Mr. President, be careful who you ally yourself with, they may turn out to be weak minded, deceitful hypocrites who skillfully wear two faces. Keep the Faith! I know I will!”
A Warm, Lasting Legacy Untarnished By Iraq or Non-Existent WMD’s
This is a hard one, folks.
Where do we buy a lasting, warm legacy? Walmart? They have everything, but this may not be in stock. Mr. Bush is on his own here. He has time, of course, things can brighten up, I suppose. Look at what presidents Carter, Bush and Clinton are doing following their time in the White House. There’s always hope polishing one’s image with volunteer work or setting up a nifty presidential library.
This can’t cover it all obviously. Any last minute stocking stuffers? America, I know we’ll try our best this Christmas for George, but if we can’t come through, I wonder if Santa will deliver.
Or will poor George just get stuck with lumpy coal in his stocking?