Ladies, ever seen a gorgeous guy on the street that just makes you weak in the knees and takes your breath away? You go up to him, meet him and agree to go on a first date, perhaps. But slowly over the course of these dates, things begin to change. He starts to back away and may flee the scene entirely with his tail between his legs. This leaves you feeling more weak in the knees than the original meeting. However, thankfully I have a vast majority of guy friends who offered me suggestions on how to get a guy or how to keep the one you already have.
1. Clingyness is a “no no”
Most guys dislike always having to be ‘attached’ to their girlfriend. They, just like you, have this need to have space and time where they don’t have physical contact with another person. Sure, some girls get agitated when an arm isn’t around them in a movie, just like some guys do, but it seems that moreso guys have this issue. Who can blame them? Be it online chatting or sitting in the same room, sometimes you just need your space.
Take a long distance internet relationship for example. You feel this overwhelming urge to just talk talk talk to him every chance you get. I don’t blame you. If the guy is a keeper and you just can’t be together due to distance for college or you met on the internet. Whatever it is, everyone knows that the internet is a more cost effective way anymore to keep in touch. But too much attention through instant messengers or even hourly e-mails makes guys feel like you’re too clingy. This can grate on their nerves, making them possibly not want to even hop online (or alert you that he is on). Remember that he may be just on briefly or having a non chatty day and that you constantly contacting him may make him just begin to cringe.
In person there’s no reason to be overly clingy, either. This can be insecurity. You hold onto your guy because you want everyone to know he’s yours. Ever been to a movie theatre? Teenage girls are the ones I most definitely notice using this clingyness. They constantly have to be holding hands or somehow otherwise touching their date. Even while the guy talks to other guys. Observe some of these young men sometime. They sometimes get this unamused look on their face. They wobble, glance at their girl and then resume talking.
Respect that clinging gives someone no space and they sometimes need it, girls. Not that all contact is bad, but being overly clingy can just be annoying – no matter who or what you are.
2. Bringing up the Past
So there you are, sitting on the couch cuddling with your guy and suddenly, you start talking about how your ex used to watch this kind of program with you. You fall into a tangent about him and suddenly your guy gets really uncomfortable. He shifts on the couch slightly, nods and makes small responses. Let’s face it right now. Were you in his shoes would you constantly want to hear about what his ex was like or what they did together? Of course not. For one it makes you seem like you’re still hung up on said ex. Now you may be. He could’ve been your first love and that isn’t a crime.
There is a time to bring up the past. Like, if your current guy does something your ex did and it was just unacceptable (like blasting music at 10 in the morning) bringing that up is all right when it’s done in taste. Expressing that you didn’t appreciate that when your ex did it and to please refrain isn’t being controlling. It’s requesting respect. But bringing up Johnny and his flaws after a while will just make a guy want to bash his head in.
This is the ‘baggage’ check people talk about. Keep the baggage at the door. Guys hate this kind of stuff. The past is, flat out, baggage, when you constantly talk about the past relationships you’ve been in. You want to keep him, you have to be in the here and now, not last year. But let me tell you right now, if you only have your ex to talk about and nothing more, the relationship may already be doomed.
3. Dependence vs. Independence
This was a popular suggestion by my guy friends. They don’t want their girls sitting around and being dependent on them. After all, we live in a society where at any moment you could die, lose a job or an infinite number of possibilities that changes your current state. Most guys don’t want to come home to a girlfriend or wife that hasn’t done anything besides housework all day. There are always the exceptions, of course. Some want a completely dependent woman. It makes them feel empowered in some ways.
But a lot of guys want a girl to take the bull by the horns. Be in charge of her own self. It’s enough that she may have a child or two by him or what have you, but most guys love a girl who can be her own self and should a worst case scenario arise, be all right. Guys know that sometimes a woman loses a job, so don’t think that if you had to give up your last job (or what have you) you’re doomed. Not in the least. But guys don’t want a girl to suddenly stop her life and sit in self pity, laziness or any other reason why she hasn’t tried to find a better or new job.
Decent men will back your decision to quit if you have to and will even be beside you while you go out and find new employment opportunities. Sure things may be rough for a little bit, but temporary dependence is all right. It’s when you rely on him soley for bills, food, and money that most guys just get exhausted.
4. Being yourself
Remember when mom, dad or even grandma said to never change yourself for a guy unless you’re changing for yourself ultimately? They were dead on. So you have been dating Johnny for a few weeks. He makes a harmless, innocent comment about a girl dressing a certain way and how it looks nice. It isn’t your style, but you think he’s keen on it. So you slowly begin to abandon who you are to fit this mould you feel he has for a suitable match. Big mistake. Being yourself is one of the reasons why the guy was attracted to you in the first place. Sure, people change in time, but accepting that change is incredible and in most instances the changes are gradual. It isn’t like shocking your hair bleach blonde and exploring the world of bare midriffs suddenly from being a conservative dresser.
Another part of being yourself is being just that while in a relationship. It isn’t always about “us” or “we”. Guys love it if at times you go out, do something you like without them. It doesn’t make you a horrible other half so erase that notion from your mind. It lets you get out and keep in touch with who you are instead of being consumed by the relationship. It also gives guys a chance to breathe. Do what makes him tick.
Not in a relationship? Then being yourself will definitely draw someone to you. Most of my friends stated that if they see a girl who is unique out there they’re somewhat drawn to her. They don’t want to lose this aspect of her, so remember that he should like you for you. Keep who you are close to heart and you’ll be swimming into a hopefully excellent relationship in time.
The big way to lose a guy is to constantly berate him and point out his flaws. Remember that you, too, have flaws and no person in general should be subject to this kind of embarassment. Sure he might wear sweatpants to a local restaurant or he constantly watches NASCAR, but that’s okay. Interests aren’t flaws. Don’t ever see him as one big flaw. Chances are if you start slinging the proverbial “poo” at him, he may fling it back harder. Then you feel worthless and it’s a messy situation.
Sure, not all flaws are loved, but you can learn to love them. Some are able to be fixed with time and patience. But there will always be something that makes you cringe in regards to him. Just don’t constantly point these out. If he feels worthless then there’s a chance that he’s going to up and leave in exhaust.
While there are numerous other ways to keep a guy as well as attract one to you, these were the five most popular suggestions from guys. Even if you’re in a failing relationship, no relationship or trying to work things out with an ex, perhaps some of these suggestions will help you be more open and have a happier relationship. Sure, one or two might fail, but then again when are guys ever 100% right? Remember, relationships are precious treasures and should be treated as a gift and not a burden.