Dear Fat Guy at Subway,
You were in line behind me yesterday at Subway. While my sandwiches were being crafted, I could not help but overhearing your order. I mean, you were the only other person in the store; how could I help but overhear?
Anyhow, so I noticed that you were, well… fat. Okay, maybe not fat. I guess fat implies obese, and you probably would be considered just very overweight- not quite obese. Anyhow, so I thought to myself, “How good… this fat guy is doing the Subway diet… a sub with 6 grams of fat or less.” But then you ordered a footlong…
At first, I wanted to give you the benefit of a doubt. I mean, I was in there buying two sandwiches also, so maybe you were splitting this footlong with someone. But then you asked for it on jalapeno cheese bread. Tasty I’m sure, but definitely not low fat.
The cute sandwich artist girl asked you what type of sandwich you’d like, and you replied, “Italian BMT.” I am not familiar with this sandwich (and now I see why), so as my fairly simple turkey subs were being prepared, I took a glance at exactly what this sandwich had on it.
As she began to stack on layers of salami and pepperoni (and something else?), you asked, “Can you make that double meat?” It took everything I had not to look up at you in shock and say, “Are you serious?” The Subway girl must be used to this though, because she didn’t flinch as she replied “Sure” and stacked on more meat. As she picked up the ham (there’s ham on this sandwich too?), she asked, “Would you like double ham, too?” You said yes and she began piling it up further.
After adding about a dozen pieces of cheese, she smothered it in mayonnaise and mustard, to which you commented, “A little more mayonnaise, please.” You were so polite, but I honestly wanted to vomit. First of all, I think mayonnaise is disgusting, but more than that, it is hugely fattening, yet you ask for extra. Ewww!
I was wondering how she was going to close that sandwich and wrap it up, but somehow she did. I guess that’s why they get paid the big bucks, right? I then finished paying for my “Two for $7.99” dinner deal and proceeded over to the chip rack to grab my Baked Lays. As I filled up my drink, the young man at the register asked if you would like to make that a combo with chips and a drink. You darted past me to grab a bag of Doritos, replied yes, took a 32 oz cup, and said…
“Sure! Add three chocolate chip cookies to that too!”
Oh fat guy at Subway, this is not the Subway diet Jared talked about!