Dear Readers,
I am writing you this letter while I am on hold with Dell computer’s main office. My maximum wait time is 5 minutes. It is 10: a.m. We will see how closely they estimated that.
My reason for sitting here on hold in my chilly downstairs office instead of sitting in my living room in my easy chair writing this on my laptop is because Dell has my laptop. They’ve had it for six weeks, and I’m determined to get it back.
Well, they were right on about the 5 minute wait. The first wait, anyway.
But I’m back on hold. Rachel said she would have to put me through to tech support. After about one-minute on hold number two, I am now talking to a man named Lance who has a very thick accent. Unbeknownst to Lance, I am writing about him as we talk. Oops, Lance now tells me that I have been routed to the wrong department. I need to talk to the Inspiron support team. He has transferred me to that number, and now I am on hold number three.
I’ve noticed that the music is much better on this hold, than the last two holds. And there is no distortion this time. This could be a good sign.
It is now 10:07. I am now being asked by an electronic voice to enter my Dell Express service code. Unfortunately, I don’t have one of those. So they have asked me to punch number 2 if my call is in regards to a laptop. You bet it is. I have now been instructed 2 times to “please wait.” I sure will. I need my laptop.
The music has stopped. I hear nothing but frightening silence interrupted by a sterile electronic female voice to “please wait” some more.
After four “please waits” I heard a “Hello?” I don’t know this guy’s name. But after asking me my service tag number, my phone number, the name my laptop is registered under, he put me on, yep, hold. He then came back, asked me my phone number again, then put me on hold again. The dog, who is tied out in the front year, has started barking. I had to run upstairs and bring him in.
Which brings me to one of the main reasons I need my laptop back. When I’m downstairs writing at my P.C., and the dog starts barking, I have to run upstairs to shut him up. When I have my laptop I can sit in the living room and watch virtually every move he makes from my chair – and actually catch him before he starts barking in many instances. It’s a perfect arrangement.
The music is back this time on our 5th? hold. I’ve lost track. It is approaching 10:30. My neck is sore from holding the phone between my ear and shoulder while writing this. But I wanted to share my Dell experience with my readers so they could appreciate the lengths to which I will go to keep writing. That and the fact that I’m bored out of my gourd sitting here on hold.
As you may have guessed, two minutes have elapsed. I feel stupid for not getting this guy’s name. Especially after the 2nd time he put me on hold!
Doh! He’s gone for good now! He has put me on hold for a third time after giving me a “customer number” and pawning me off on someone else. I’m back to the “please wait” electronic female voice.
But what’s this? Music? I don’t like it. It’s too elevator-y. I prefer the classical type played during the fourth, (was it the fourth?) hold.
I hate this annoying song.
I have to stay downstairs at my P.C. during all of this because I may have to refer to my account on the Dell website where I am registered, along with the two expensive Dell computers I purchased 1½ years ago.
It’s almost 10:40. I sure am enjoying my day off so far.
I’m beginning to worry that no one is going to pick up. I’ve already invested 40 minutes in my… wait, a voice. “Your current estimated wait time is greater than 5 minutes.” Hmmm. Somehow I could have guessed that. But they have at least started a new song – classical. Now some stupid female voice is trying to get rid of me again – telling me to go to the website for help. Sorry, bimbo, been there done that. I never got so much as a nasty reply. I’m not falling for that one again. I’m staying put if it chews up my entire day off.
I’m getting hungry. Maybe I can leave the P.C. for just a second now that the guy with no name gave me a customer number. I guess that is essential. I hope the next person doesn’t have an accent. Every person I have talked to so far has an accent and I can hardly understand them. My husband has a hard time understanding accents, too. Speaking of which, I have to pick him up at the airport at 4:00. I hope I’m off hold by then.
They have some Mexican music on right now. It’s not bad. Sort of like the music in the horse chase scenes in Mexican movies. Or showdowns and stuff. I don’t know. I hate westerns.
Yawn.
Hi Molly. Oh, the customer number Mr. No-Name gave me is invalid? No kidding. Now I REALLY feel stupid for not asking his name.
Is there a supervisor there? She’s busy helping someone else? Oh, sure, I’ll hold again.
No music, no voice. Lalalalalala.
God, I know I haven’t been a very good Christian lately. If this is my punishment, I accept it.
It’s 11:08. Molly has come back to the telephone twice to let me know that the supervisor is “working on it.” I took the opportunity to tell her what I think of Dell’s service department. Then the second time she came back she told me that they found out that they had indeed received my laptop and credited my Visa card for $400.00, but it probably won’t show up on my card until next month. Thanks Dell dudes, but I recall paying $1200.00 for that bad boy.
Alas, according to Cassie (the supervisor), the confusion was all my fault. I had sent the laptop back with a note enclosed in the box asking them to please repair it or replace it, as it was still under warranty. When what I should have done, I was admonished, was to wait on hold for hours with customer service back on December 25th to first be given the sacred “reference number” before sending the ailing laptop in.
“You can’t just send it in,” she quipped.
Apparently the techs at Dell don’t understand words, only numbers. “Fix or replace” does not compute.
“We thought you were sending it in for a credit. A lot of people do that,” she explained.
I suppose looking at the number on the bottom of the computer and e-mailing or calling the person it was registered to was out of the question. Just like trying to preserve some of the stuff that was on my hard drive is now out of the question, too.
“We take them apart and re-use them,” Cassie said when I asked her why, as long as they have it there, I couldn’t get my own laptop back.
Cassie said that they will be un-crediting me the $400.91 from my credit card, and that they will be sending me an upgraded, refurbished laptop. Perhaps made from parts from my very own laptop. It sort of gives me the creeps.
I hung up the phone at 11:20 a.m.
After an hour and forty minutes, there’s no doubt about it — I feel like I’ve been to Dell and back.
