Love is one of the strongest and the most confusing things in the entire world. Love comes in so many different forms where you think that it is love, but in reality it is lust, or extreme affection, or even an obsession. Love sends you on so many up and down emotional spirals that sometimes you feel like you are going to explode. But when the one that you love can’t commit to only you, there can be problems. That’s what happened to me.
Seven years ago I met the most amazing guy. He had gorgeous blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes, a smile that could melt the coldest heart, and a brain that was so ingenious that he could fix and build and compute almost anything. We became best friends. For two years we became so close and so understanding of each other that people thought we knew each other better than we knew ourselves. We could be around each other twenty four hours a day, seven days a week and never fight or get annoyed with each other’s company. We finished each other’s thoughts and always had a smile on our faces when we were together. But there was one aspect that made us very different. He was a free spirit. He would come and go as he pleased and he could never tie himself down with just one woman. Commitment was severely lacking. I knew how he worked, I knew him to be a player. But we ended up falling into each other’s arms. He wanted to learn commitment. He wanted to try to be true. And I thought that for about four months that it was going great. Until I caught him in a lie and confronted him about it. We didn’t fight or argue. We made an agreement that we would be honest with each other no matter if the truth was going to hurt or not. And we agreed to have an open relationship. Well, it was a partially open relationship. He would be with other women, but I was committed and couldn’t find myself to be with anyone other than him. We lived together and made rules that no significant others were allowed in the home as to be fair to each other. There was two other woman that he was involved with and because he was my best friend first and the love of my life second, I understood who he was and that he wasn’t ready for commitment yet. But the fact that he was sharing a home with me and coming home to me every night and he stated that the only thing he wanted from the other woman was sex and that he respected me more and cared for me more, I believed that this was just a growing up phase and he would realize that soon.
Soon turned into three years where I stood by his side in an on again off again open relationship because we could just never be friends. To see him walk into the room melted my heart. To hear him laugh and talk about his new inventions made me smile. To work with him on computer repair jobs or to just be around him sent me soaring. I couldn’t kick him to the curb. I didn’t want to loose that closeness. Several times we had tried to just be friends, but it never lasted very long. There was this connection that pulled us together every time. As much as I was able to split my heart in half and be able to turn the on and off switch when it came to being the girlfriend or the best friend. But with each moment the love just got stronger and stronger and it became very hard to pull that switch. Jealousy turned me as green as a frog. And when there were moments where he showed his jealousy if I spent time with male friends, and when he spoke in terms of marriage it got my hopes up. But then when depending on the situation he would refer to me as his girlfriend or his best friend was when I felt my heart ache the most. There was a time when the other girl became pregnant and claimed the child to be his where he raised it with her for almost a year until DNA testing proved it not to be his. I stood by him through that. But he also took care of me. He was there when I was sick, in a car accident, in need of a shoulder to cry on. He is my best friend.
If this situation sounds familiar to you, because you are going through it yourself, I feel your heartache. Your decisions whether to stay or go are completely up to you, but remember, there are consequences. When you love someone so much there is no way of ridding of them for good. The memory will always be there. And where you are best friends with that person it acts as a double edge sword. But you have to consider your choices. Do you want to rid this person from your life entirely? Do you want to loose the friendship and the relationship? Can there still be a friendship with no relationship?
Your probably wondering what I chose. Well, he and I sat down and he didn’t want to hurt me any more than he had. He told me he did love me and care about me and he didn’t want to loose his best friend. So we ended it. I’m not going to tell you that from that time on Valentine’s Day of 2006 that it has been easy. I hear his laugh, see his smile and those blue eyes, I feel like I’m going to loose it and explode. But then you have to remember why you did it. Why you decided to just be friends. You want someone who is going to be committed and be with you and only you. Not to mention the risk of STD’s as well. Luckily my best friend was smart enough to be tested and he was fine.
You are still going to love that person until the end of time and nothing or no one is going to be able to change that. You make your own choices. You can choose to pine away for a love that you want to be returned from someone who you know deep down inside will never be committed to you and miss the chance to find someone else who will love you like you want to be loved. Or you can accept it and move on.
I have moved on. It’s been a little over 9 months since I came to terms with the situation. I have been dating a wonderful man for six months and I was open and honest with him from the beginning about the rough road I was traveling to get over and accept my ex as just a friend. Whatever the situation, lying will just make things worse.
Those of you who are in the same situation that I was, please talk to the one that you love and let them know how you feel and let them know that you can not go on with the way things are. Doing this will let you know where they stand and how they feel before you choose which direction you want to go. Be strong and remember that it is your life and your heart on the line. Open relationships are fine for two people who never want to be with just each other and never want to get married and be committed. But for someone who wants a life of commitment and true love, this is heartbreaking.