Erica Jong said, “Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.” Humans have the tendency to become jealous. This is normal; it is not normal when it starts to interfere with our relationships. There are ways to control your jealousy, as long as you are willing to work at it. Here are some steps to follow that will lead to the land of calm.
First, you must realize that you are being jealous and that it is causing a problem. This may seem easy, but many jealous people have a different idea about what is acceptable behavior when it comes to the opposite sex. While one person might think that having lunch with a coworker of the opposite sex is fine, a jealous person would think it was inappropriate. The biggest hurdle is coming to the conclusion that what your partner did was not necessarily wrong, just different from your standards.
Secondly, you have to raise your self esteem. There is some reason that your idea of acceptable behavior is different than your partner’s idea of acceptable behavior. While the reason may be due to the way your parents interacted with each other, another common reason is a lack of self esteem. If you are insecure with yourself, you may be expecting your partner to cheat on you. If you spend all your time looking for signs; you will find them. Don’t underestimate your imagination.
Next, you need to communicate. If your spouse truly loves you, they will work with you. Now, that doesn’t mean that they will lock themselves in a closet and keep their eyes lowered to the floor to avoid eye contact with people of the opposite sex. However, they may try to stay calm when you get upset and may give you more assurance than normal that they love you. They may also avoid having lunch with coworkers of the opposite sex, or other situations that may not be wrong, but will not hurt them to avoid.
Now, you will also need to look at your own behavior. In order to ask your partner to work with you on this problem, you need to make sure that you are not using a double standard. You can not ask your partner not to have lunch with a coworker of the opposite sex, if you don’t see anything wrong with having lunch with a coworker of the opposite sex yourself
Lastly, avoid situations that will cause you to become jealous. Don’t take your partner to places where there are a lot of outgoing men or women. I am specifically talking about bars. This may be a place where you and your partner like to hand out with friends, but it is also a place where men and women go to find dates. Also, do not introduce your partner to friends you don’t trust. If you have a problem remembering that the only person you need to trust is your partner, than don’t bring them to places where someone might flirt with them.
Lastly, stay calm. Try not to unleash on your partner. Causing fights will only make you more jealous and put a strain on your relationship. Give your partner a chance to speak to you about your jealousy. There might be something you are not seeing. A lot of jealous people jump to conclusions and imagine the worst. Don’t start fighting over something you think happened.
Jealousy can be a relationship poison, but as long as you remember these steps you can try to keep a handle on the green-eyed-monster. Be confidant in yourself and your relationship. Don’t create double standards. Communicate your problem with your partner. And most importantly, realize that you have a problem with jealousy and be willing to work on it.