1. You walk into Larry’s Crab Cabin and find your significant other enjoying the sea with another fish. You:
A. You walk casually over to their table and introduce yourself as a friend, then awkwardly compliment the other person’s hair.
B. Do nothing. Two can play this game. And you can play it even better. The next time your partner sees you, you’ll be attached at the lips to someone else.
C. Make sure your partner sees you, then walk out of the restaurant. You’ve lost your appetite.
D. Don’t sweat it. You’re not complaining. The sex is good.
2. For Valentine’s Day, a source close to your boo tells you that he/she has purchased you an expensive gift despite the fact that the two of you agreed to spend only a certain amount. You:
A. Think that’s so sweet, but now you feel bad for sticking to your agreement.
B. Are furious. He/She’s only doing this to show you up, but you’re going to give the bigger gift if it kills you.
C. Call off your date. If he/she can’t respect your wishes, then maybe the two of you aren’t ready for this relationship.
D. Forgot to buy a gift! You rush out and get a gift within the budget that the two of you established. What he/she does with his/her money is none of your business.
3. Your partner’s ex is in town and needs a place to crash. Your partner explains that he/she has no feelings for the ex and asks if it’s okay for the ex to crash on the couch. You:
A. Tell him/her that you don’t mind, then complain to your best friend.
B. Tell him/her that you won’t mind if you can sleep on your ex’s couch.
C. Forbid it outright.
D. Don’t care. If it were your ex, he/she would be sleeping in your bed instead of on your couch.
4. It’s the first Friday night that both of you are off in months. The Fray is coming to town and you really want to go. Your partner just isn’t into their music and refuses to go with you. You:
A. Suck it up and try to find something that the two of you can do together and enjoy.
B. Negotiate. If he wants you to go with him to his parents anniversary party, he’ll suck it up and go to the concert.
C. Go without him/her. Sure, you’re off on the same Friday only once every three months, but how often is The Fray in town?
D. Screw him/her. Literally. That’ll make him/her come around to seeing things your way.
5. Your partner’s mother really isn’t digging you. She’s downright nasty sometimes. You’ve asked him/her to talk to Queen B. about her behavior, but your partner is scared to death of confronting her. Do you:
A. Grin and bear it while working overtime to convince her that you really aren’t all that bad?
B. Hold out on sex until your partner confronts the issue?
C. Say, “To hell with it,” and strike back? What do you have to lose? She doesn’t like you anyway.
D. Just skip their family gatherings. It’s not like you really ever plan to be a member of the family.
6. Similar to the situation in #5, your mother is not very fond of your boo. In fact, she insists that you not bring him/her around anymore. Do you:
A. Declare your love for him/her and let your mother know that you’re willing to sacrifice your family to be with him/her.
B. Bring him/her around anyway without tipping him/her off about the situation. You’ll show your mother that she can’t tell you who to date.
C. Ask your partner to try just a little harder to please your mother.
D. Honor your mother’s wishes. It’s not like your boo is going to be a member of your family one day. But you’ll always have Mom.
7. You can’t believe that your partner’s friend just made a move on you. You:
A. Just avoid being around his/her friend. You would hate to break up a friendship over this.
B. Keep it to yourself for now. You may need it as ammunition in the future.
C. Tell your partner. He/She doesn’t need a friend like that anyway.
D. Get it while the gettin’ is good. What your partner doesn’t know won’t hurt him/her.
8. Your partner took money from your joint account to buy a new plasma television without asking first. You:
A. Stay up all night arguing with him/her about the issues of respect and trust in the relationship.
B. Spend twice as much on a new laptop and accessories.
C. Suggest that the two of you just use separate accounts since he/she does not value your input.
D. N/A. The two of you will never have a joint account.
9. You’re watching the news when you realize that the store where your partner is supposed to be has been robbed and two innocent bystanders have been shot. You try calling your partner, but keep going to voicemail. When he/she finally shows up an hour later, you:
A. Cover him/her with hugs and kisses.
B. Are too angry to speak right now. You can’t believe he/she scared you like that.
C. A&B, You cover him/her with kisses, but warn them to never scare you like that again.
D. Are glad he/she is okay, but don’t want to make a big fuss over the situation.
10. You come home late, expecting to watch the latest episode of Grey’s Anatomy, which you set your VCR to record, but you find that your boo has taped over GA. You:
A. Keep repeating, “I can’t believe you taped over it.”
B. Destroy the tape. If you can’t watch GA, he/she won’t be watching his/her show.
C. Make a big scene and go over to a friend’s house, where it’s been TIVO’d.
D. End the relationship. He/she isn’t more important that GA.
Scoring. For every time you answered A, give yourself 3 points. For every B, 2 points. For every C, 1 points. For every D, 0 points.
24-30 Points. You’re on the Der/Mer-i-go-round.
The two of you have strong feelings for each other, but each of you is afraid of hurting the other, and even more afraid of being hurt by the other. You try to be polite to each other and avoid unnecessary bickering. You really compliment each other, and need only to get over the fear of rejection to take this relationship to the next level.
18-23 Points. You’re a Prestina.
You care about each other, but neither of you is going to be played by the other. Neither of you wants to be the first to admit how you feel, while at the same time not wanting to love the other less than he/she loves you. You are both too stubborn. Giving yourself over to someone completely scares both of you to death, but you have to give a little. Otherwise, you don’t have a relationship. You’re merely acquaintances.
13-17 Points. Join the Addiwagon.
You don’t even know what you want. You want the tenderness of the Der/Mer-i-go-round, the self preservation of the Prestina all while maintaining the abandon of the Alextricity. You’ve made some bad decisions before, and though you have some regrets, you can’t say you wouldn’t have done them again if you could turn back the hands of time. Going forward, however, you’re struggling to avoid those mistakes. Just don’t forget to learn from your mistakes. That way you don’t make the same ones over and over again.
6-12 Points. You’re a Cal-O-Mallie.
You knew that relationships were hard work, but you didn’t expect it to be this hard. You never knew two people could be so much a like, but still be so different. If you’re not doing the offending, you’re being offended. Just once you’d like for everything to be on the up and up. The truth is you’re miserable together most of the time and you’re miserable apart. Both of you are over thinking this relationship thing. It is what it is. Release your inhibitions and just have some fun.
0-5 points. You’re Alextricity.
You both knew from the beginning that this was going nowhere and you’re both cool with that. There’s no real commitment. You’re just having a good time. Whenever one of you gets bored, that’s it. There’s no two-year agreement or contract to break. You don’t sweat the small stuff because there’s no use in arguing with someone who may not be around in the morning. Just keep it clean. Don’t blur the lines. Run damage control continuously by seeing (not sexing) other people, avoiding family gatherings, and backing off if you start to catch feelings.