Honesty and trust are vital to a healthy marriage. This lesson offers insights on this critical aspect of any relationship. One of the major reasons for the breakdown in relationships is dishonesty and betrayal of trust. It has been said by wiser people than myself, that without trust, there can be no love. Nothing causes more profound damage and hurt than this betrayal of your relationship.
Lying about money, feelings and other key issues can damage a marriage irreparably. One of my closest and dearest friends is still suffering from the effects of this 15 years after her marriage ended. She had married someone she had known for several years, and believed absolutely he was marrying her for the same reasons: love. Two years into the marriage, he told her one night he had never truly loved her, and had married her because it was “expected” of him. On top of this, he had systematically raided their joint accounts and left her with nothing. Because of this dishonesty, she has never remarried and has a hard time believing in her own self-worth.
A cousin of mine married a woman who appeared to espouse the same values and beliefs he did. She told him she loved children and was absolutely committed to having a great marriage. One year later she left him saying she no longer wanted children and that she was bored. He is raising their daughter alone.
In order for a relationship to succeed, truthfulness and trust need to be firmly established. If you don’t want children or you have doubts about your feelings, don’t lie. It isn’t fair. Chances are your spouse senses these things anyway.
Don’t use truth as a weapon to hurt the other party. Telling your spouse he/she doesn’t measure up to past partners is cruel and very, very harmful. Exposing a persons flaws in a cold and cutting manner is also cruel. Not one of us is perfect. Hurting someone this way is totally unnecessary.
Bringing up past partners is a guaranteed way to rupture a relationship. Don’t mistake honesty for stupidity. Telling your spouse how many men you’ve slept with isn’t going to improve your sexual relationship one bit. Instead, you may find your husband in silent competition with the “ghosts” occupying your bed.
If you have children you’ve given up for adoption or had taken away, be honest from the start. Don’t wait until after you’re married to spring this kind of unpleasant surprise. If the both of you have an agreement to wait to have children, don’t plan an accidental pregnancy. This can cause years of resentment both towards you and the child.
Past problems, including bankruptcy, jail, marriages gone wrong, and illness need to be disclosed. In many states failure to do so can be cause for annulment. If you have incurred debts you are having trouble repaying, be truthful about it. Enlist your partners help in looking for solutions.
Don’t let a lack of honesty ruin your marriage, It’s never to late in ANY marriage to start over. Self Analysis: Are there any major areas of dishonesty in your marriage?