The very idea of jumping into marriage after dating less then a year conjures up ideas of a couple taking the plunge and after a few weeks or months realizing they made a mistake and getting divorced to the sound of their friends and family saying ‘I told you so!‘
Well 5 years after I heard all of those same comments about ‘it will be over in a year, tops‘ and ‘biggest mistake ever,this was way too impulsive‘ I am still here with my husband Mike and still as happy as I was the day I married him 1 day past our 11 month anniversary. I’ll even admit I loved the thrill of it, getting married and defying everyone’s expectations. Much like the other things I’ve done in my life that should have ended with me giving up at least a year later I refused to be another statistic in the divorce world, having to go back home with my tail between my legs. I was determined to make this marriage work.
Looking back on it, yes, I probably would have liked to have gotten to know Mike better before I married him, like all of his habits and irritations, but you learn more as time goes on that I never saw while we were dating. Possibly my biggest weakness is that I have always been an impulsive person and at times can have a wild, bubbly attitude, so I don’t think it surprised my parents when we announced in April 2001 we had talked it over the night before and we were going to get married. My husband impulsively blurted out during our 3 month anniversary celebration that his sister was coming over from England in September to get married and nothing would make him happier then to marry me while she was still here. I was shocked and happy at the same time and said only if I got to pick the date, October 5th. I had since I was a child wanted that date to be my wedding date for some reason. The actual proposal came later.
Statistic’s show that most marriages that happen impulsively will usually end in divorce. Whether it be a spur of the moment idea, getting caught up in the moment of something exciting or other reasons for the marriage after less then a year of dating and barely living with each other on our own I was getting word back from friends it was bound to fail. Another reason divorce would be a bad idea, I would still have to see my ex online constantly, and I would have to talk to him too and who wants that. Relationship is over, then it’s over.
Well, the statistic’s were stacking on me even more, because I also met Mike online through a friends personal message board. Meeting someone online and marrying them doesn’t always fare well in the ‘Happily ever after’ category. But believe it or not there are ‘normal‘ people on the Internet, thank God we didn’t date online too! I worked with a friend who set up a webboard to stay connected with friends from all over the area and we would go out to eat on occasion. This is where I was first introduced to Mike in person and we struck up a close friendship, I was very shy for some reason and he really worked hard to bring me out of my shell around our friends. He must have asked me out on 5 dates in the first year that I knew him on an occasional get together with friends level but I was as I like to call that period of my life ‘Socially Awkward‘. I’ll admit I had never had a really close relationship men wise out of choice, they were always my friends and I treated them as such instead of boyfriends. Plus my relationships never felt right. I was also concerned our age difference would make it hard for us to see eye to eye on things, he’s 10 years older then I am.
I came to find out our only differences are our taste in music, I’m 90’s and he’s 80’s British music. And our style of clothes, I really enjoy putting together clothes that will make people read my shirts and he is very business casual all the time.
In the end though we found we really were one in the same and I was already picturing him asking me to marry him on our second date. It was just a feeling I had when I was around him, I felt secure and happy. And honestly I wasn’t sure the whole Love at first sight thing even existed before I met him. I mentioned before I was socially awkward with the guys, and seeing that this was my first real relationship I also heard the dreaded ‘are you sure you want to commit yourself to basically the first man you’ve ever really dated?‘ I made it very clear my answer was yes, I had finally realized the Love at first sight idea.
I have also had the chance to marry into an amazing family who have actually excepted me and could have cared less about how long we dated. I also have nieces and nephews who are pretty close to my age but it actually makes it easier to talk to them and I have been able to forge close relationships with them too. It also helps when your own family likes the guy, sometimes more then you! And his cooking also makes up for my lack of cooking skills.
Marrying Mike also introduced me to the workings of the United States Government or the INS part of it anyways. Mike immigrated here from England in 1998 and to be honest being a sponsor to an immigrant had to have been the most patients trying thing I have ever done in my life, but that’s another story all together.
Through it all I have stuck to my guns when it came to marrying Mike. A lot of friends said it would never work and I was way too young at 22 to even think about marriage. But even if it had ended in divorce I can honestly say I would have been happy that I jumped into my marriage impulsively and made one of the best choices in my life.
Besides, who wants to see your ex out at gatherings anyways?