Getting anywhere in the business world means knowing a great deal about computers. This can concern the internet- search engines, web marketing, email, etc., which I am very well versed in. And then there are the millions of tasks that require you to be fluent in C++++++++. I took Spanish, so I don’t understand this language at all and I don’t know anyone who speaks it anyway. But, to not look like an idiot, there are times when you have to fake a working knowledge of coding and programming, and whatever apps are.
Megs of Ram
I have found that throwing around the phrase “megs of ram” does the trick in 75 percent of cases. I don’t know why that is and I don’t know what they are, but people seem to like them. The sentence doesn’t have to make any sense to you and it doesn’t have to vary much from occasion to occasion. You can come up with a couple of key phrases to use again and again. Here are a few I have found helpful:
I wish I had more megs of ram.
Don’t you love megs of ram?
Have you seen my megs of ram?
Calling random objects “data” gives the overall impression that you program all the time, without ever having to commit to anything or pull out your megs of ram statements too early. If you are reading a book, anyone who asks what you are reading can be told you are reading “data.” What are you watching on TV? Data. What do you need from the store? Definitely data.
I wish I knew what this means, I really do. I hear it fairly often from the hardcore programmer types, so I have had to adopt it in order to survive. Frag should be used sparingly, however, as some uneducated types may not know what it means and confuse it for any number of other words. Frag is apparently a verb, so it can be used to replace other words related to your household tasks. You can “frag the crock pot to get dinner started.” You can also “frag down to the mailbox to check the mail.”
Apps may or may not be important to programmers. I don’t hear this one as often as I do the other words, but it’s still a nice thing to have in your repertoire. Apps seems to me to be a noun, so it’s pretty easy to find places to use it. Just use it in a generic way without giving it any context so that no one finds out you have no idea what it is. If someone asks what’s wrong, you can tell them the apps are upsetting you. If you are late often, always blame the apps. No one ever questions it.
Unix is a pretty safe one, as I have pretty much worked out it’s meaning by listening to the way people use it. Unix is simply another word for “hippie.” This is easy to use anytime you happen to see a hippie. “Hey- check out those Unixes over there” is a useful one to remember. Another is “eww, he smells like a Unix.”
The only time I hear this used is when someone needs to clear theirs. So, I have inferred that a cache is a bad thing to have that should be gotten rid of. This one can be tricky to work into a conversation, but it can be done. If you have a headache, you can say you must just need to “clear my cache.” If the car is not starting, it obviously has too much cache.
Some of these phrases will earn you some surprised looks when you friends realize you know much more about computers than they ever thought possible. The more surprised they look, the better you are parlaying your phrases into the illusion you are creating.