Could there be a better role model for young people today than Britney Spears? The once Mrs. Spears-Federline is a true example of a triumph of the human spirit. From the mean streets of The Mickey Mouse Club all the way to the wig shops of Los Angeles, Britney Spears has overcome every obstacle put in her way. If you’re a parent of an adolescent girl there is nobody you would rather see your princess turn into then this tower of strength. Here are just a few of the ways that either you or somebody you love can be more like Britney Spears.
How To Be More Like Britney Tip #1: Marry some random friend and then have it annulled fifty-five hours later
When Britney took the sacred vow with…uh…What’s His Name, she gave that young man the thrill of a lifetime. For fifty-five hours he was Mr. Britney Spears. Sure doing something so hasty “just to see what it’s like to be married” will most likely alienate all family and friends, but that’s the price you pay when you are trying to emulate a mentor such as Britney.
How To Be More Like Britney Tip #2: Marry some goofy looking no-talent waste of space who has two kids already and let him father your children, subsequently ending all of the momentum your career has and making you look like a complete idiot
While this may seem like a simple task there is more to being Britney than just marrying the wrong guy. It is vital that you only know the person that you’re going to spend “the rest of your life with” for only three months or so. Any more and you’re in danger of Un-Spears-like activity. Make sure that the person demonstrates no real talent in any way, shape, or form. That way when it’s time for the divorce you can keep the appearance of throwing that bum out. Brit will be proud I’m sure.
How To Be More Like Britney Tip #3: Demonstrate to the world just how awful of a mother you can be by putting your infant children into precarious situations, all the while doing so in the public eye
Who can forget the startling images of Britney driving while holding onto her newborn child? This is a good place to start but it is not by any means the only step to take in order to be more like Spears. Perhaps you could “accidentally” allow your child to slip out of your hands on onto a grassy field. No permanent damage will be done to your young one but you can bet that people will be talking.
How To Be More Like Britney Tip #4: Just when people begin to forget about you do something drastic to your physical appearance so that the world once again lives and breathes with your every move
As has been well documented by almost every American news outlet (at least), Britney Spears recently shaved her head. I for one think it’s a stunning tribute to Sinead O’ Conner, yet another true icon in the world of music. Of course shaving your head isn’t the only way to Spearsafy yourself. You could remove all your eyelashes or get gold fillings for your teeth. Anything to draw attention to yourself when the world has refused to give you the attention you deserve.
How To Be More Like Britney Tip #5: Every now and then make sure to do something at least slightly scandalous so that people with nothing better to do with themselves will talk about you to their friends
Whether it is going out clubbing with a fellow rags-to-riches phenomenon like Paris Hilton, announcing to the world in your own way that you don’t particularly care to wear underwear, or dating some other B-list celebrity to prove your own merit, the point is to keep you in the public eye. When you become irrelevant to pop culture or the world in general these slight indiscretions will enable you to stay talked about for weeks at a time, even when you are doing absolutely nothing to deserve any attention whatsoever.
That’s what makes Britney Spears such an important role model for the youth of today. She has done nothing noteworthy in years yet Spears is well aware that there are always people with no lives of their own who will lap up any headline with her name in it. The most important lesson to learn from Britney is to remain important in the eyes of the public even when you haven’t actually been in a very long time. Then a nervous breakdown can become front page news.