You’ve seen them on the runways, in cars with stars, and even in famous restaurants; miniature dogs being used as fashion complements by stars like Paris Hilton.
Some would call this a moral atrocity, a shameless use of an animal to achieve fashionista status without any care for the animal’s well being whatsoever.
I call it brilliant! Dogs, after all, have always been great fashion statements–just ask Berlington Coat Factory or most of China. Now that the dogs are being kept alive AND fashionable, it should be a solution everyone can agree on!
If you’re thinking about getting a Yorkshire terrier with your next hat, here are some fashionable tips to keep in mind.
1. Pick a small dog.
Nobody likes a big husky dog, especially when there are so many adorable smaller breeds around. In fact, maybe we should breed all dogs for size for a while until they get small enough to fit into purses and little doggy carrier bags. We can treat them like cell phones; the smaller, the more fashionable, and therefore the better. Remember, nobody likes a big dog but hunters and outdoorsmen, and they aren’t fashionable this year.
2. Accessorize your dog.
Try a little hat or some kind of a dog sweater. People will see this and instantly hate you, which is very fashionable; some of the biggest celebrities are hated by absolutely everyone they meet or come into contact with, and it’s not coincidence; hate is in this season, and nothing helps you get that to you better than mistreating a small animal by slowly and methodically humiliating it.
3. Give your dog a really, really gay name.
I mean GAY. So gay that the dog is automatically enrolled in Cirque de Soleil. Something like “Ethan” isn’t good enough; try “Mr. Wibble-wobble” or “Lil’ Vincent St. Lovingly”. A name so sweet that anyone who hears it automatically has to have a limb amputated from suddenly onset diabetes. We’re not messing around here. Get serious with your fashion.
4. If the dog gets dirty, quietly dispose of it.
There’s no reason that a fashionable person should have to deal with cleaning a dirty dog. Of course, if you’ve got a maid (and who doesn’t, am I right?) a dog can be cleaned as many as 3 or 4 times before being replaced, but if you don’t have a maid or you’re on vacation, it’s best to just wrap the dog in a paper towel and put it in the nearest trash receptacle.
Your dog is your wardrobe’s best friend, so remember to treat it with love and respect until it gets ugly. With just a quick visit to the local pet shop (never stop by a pound, those places are gross), you’ll have a new living and breathing accessory that will ensure you can hang with the big dogs of fashion this year!