What do you think makes a happy home, or a happy marriage for that matter? How do you know whether or not you have a good marriage or a bad one? (Well if your spouse is abusive then it is pretty clear cut, or if your spouse is cheating) but other than the obvious how do you know? Well since I have now been married for a long time almost twenty years, I feel like I am a little bit qualified to answer these questions.
First it is important to realize that marriage is a two way street and if you are the type that wants to be in control or who wants to have their own way all the time you are going to be unhappy, even depressed at times. And you will eventually drive each other away.
The key to a long and happy marriage is to listen, with your mouth shut. And that can be difficult for some people because of wanting to get the last word in. Another thing is to not say “I told you so” when you spouse does or does not do something that you told them would lead to x, y, or z. It is better to say nothing and let it go. Because more than likely your spouse does not need to be reminded that you were right and they were wrong.
Also don’t keep track of who does what and try to divide everything fifty-fifty, that will not work. Instead if you see something that needs doing just do it, Even if your spouse could do it. At least that way, things do not stay a mess.
Tell each other that you love each other everyday, even if you are mad at each other. Don’t take each other for granted. Do small favors for each other. If you know your spouse has had a hard day, try to do something special for them even if it is just bringing them a hot cup of coffee and a sandwich.
Marriage is about giving, not about taking. Try to find ways to show your spouse that you care for and love them. Whether it is a backrub or reading something out loud to each other, going for a walk or on occasion buying something, work at showing each other you love each other.
Make time for each other, because by making time for each other you are working on building your marriage. Your children will one day grow up and leave. You do not want to be living with a stranger because you spent all your time just trying to make ends meet. Remember to take time every so often just for the two of you.
Also never put each other down to anyone, even if you are hurt and feel like the other party deserves it, because all that does is cause hurt feelings and bitterness. Don’t keep secrets from each other.
Your spouse should be your very best friend, even when you are not happy with each other. And there may be a lot of times you are not happy with each other. But try to not dwell on that work towards having more happy times.
A good marriage is made by working at it. A good marriage does not just happen. Anything good or of value needs to be maintained, just because you are married does not mean you should now take each other for granted. You should see each other as a blessing. And try to be an encouragement to each other.
You can be rich and have all that money can buy and be in an unhappy marriage, or you can be poor and barely have food to put on the table and have a happy marriage. But it takes work. A marriage can not succeed where everyone is taking everyone else for granted.
Finally your wife is not your mother, or your maid. And your husband is not your father or someone to just pay the bills. Your wife or your husband should be your very best friend, and companion for life.
You should never get married with the idea if things don’t work out you can get divorced. You should go into the marriage with the idea that you are going to do whatever it takes to stay married and to have a happy home. Even if it means that you never own two homes, a boat and car and everything else.
Bigger, and more does not equal a happy marriage. Caring, understanding and most of all forgiveness equals a happy marriage.