Everyone knows how to kiss, right? You just push your lips around on someone else’s; how hard can it be? While it is true that the basic mechanics of kissing are well known, the subtle nuances of good kissing are not always so clear. To kiss well is to kiss in such a way as to make the experience a deeply pleasurable one for both for you and your partner. Below are ten tips to kissing well.
1 – The very first thing to consider when attempting to kiss well, is hygiene. There are very few, if any, people that enjoy kissing someone whose breath is unpleasant. To be a good kisser you need to make an inviting target. Bright clean teeth and fresh breath is a must. Appearance matters as well. If your teeth or lips appear dirty or rotten, the person you wish to kiss will not be able to enjoy your kiss, no matter how good your technique. There is also the issue of overall hygiene. Body odor is obviously not going to win you any points and may just keep you from getting that kiss at all. Also, there is the issue of facial hair. For guys, you need to understand how abrasive your face can be if you have not shaved very recently. Be considerate. Be clean. Be groomed. Make yourself as attractive and clean smelling as you possibly can.
2- Always start with a closed mouth. It’s not only polite, but it’s mature and dignified. This is especially true if kissing someone for the first time. Take it slow, even if you have only a moment or two. A rushed kiss will very seldom be something to remember.
3- Don’t physically push too hard or too soft. This might seem obvious, but I can assure you, to some it is not. When kissing, it is very seldom going to enhance things if you press your mouth with too much force against your partner. While some might consider it a means of showing strong desire, it is more often the case that your partner will begin to feel physically uncomfortable, and might begin to fear you’re going to loosen their teeth. On the other hand, if you kiss so softly your partner begins to wonder if you are actually there, you’re likely going to miss the point of the whole kiss, which is to share something of yourself with this other person.
4- How long do you kiss? For as long as you both desire. To kiss well, you need to become attuned to the person you are kissing. Are they responsive? Aggressive? Are they hungry for more or less. Does it feel as though they are enjoying what you are doing? How can you tell? Generally, if someone is enjoying what you are doing, they will be responding in kind. They will be moving their lips against yours. Or using their tongue. They will most likely move their body against yours. Or put their hands on you. At the very least they will become somewhat assertive. If, on the other hand, they are not enjoying what you’re doing they may back away slightly, or try to change how you are kissing them. Their breathing may slow. If you’re not sure, pull back and look them in the eyes. Do you see patience, or desire? That is your answer.
5- It is almost impossible to kiss well without using your hands. But you must know what to do with your hands or you risk making the kiss worse, rather than better. How you use your hands when kissing someone requires some knowledge of the person you are kissing. If it’s your first time kissing them, you need to be careful. Never assume that because someone accepts a kiss from you, they are giving the green light to touching them in more sexual ways. It is almost always safe to touch someone’s face when kissing, or to hold them behind their head. These are customary positions that will allow expressions of intimacy without letting lust interfere with your judgment. When touching someone’s face, always be gentle, but deliberate. Use your fingertips to excite the nerves that lie beneath your partner’s skin. Use your hands to hold and caress, but not to steer them, or force them to another position. To kiss well, you must always ensure that every movement between the two of you is mutual.
6- To kiss well, you must learn to control your breathing. If it is a very short kiss, by all means, hold your breath. But, if it’s to be a longer, more drawn out affair, you need to breathe. Holding your breath for as long as you can will only make you dizzy and have to pant when you finally give in to the need for oxygen. Breathe casually, but carefully. You don’t want to wheeze down someone’s throat. Breathe through your nose if you can. It will be the only way if you have not yet moved to opening your mouths. For open mouth kissing, when your tongues are dancing, alternate breathing between your mouth and nose, it will help you concentrate more fully on what you lips and tongue are doing.
7- When kissing for more than a few minutes, there will always come a time when you need to swallow. This is because saliva builds up when people kiss, even if you don’t open your mouths. Sometimes it’s best to back away a moment to swallow. This has the added benefit of allowing you to look each other in the eyes. Make sure your lips are closed when you do so, because you don’t want to spray them. Other times, you can swallow while your mouths are pressed together, although, it might seem a bit clumsy if you have your tongue reaching into theirs. Always retract first, but make sure to do so in a gentle fashion or your partner might take it as a sign you’ve become tired of kissing.
8- With every kiss there is a dance. Lip against lip. Tongue against tongue. There are uncountable variations. What makes the dance good? What makes it bad? The quality of every kiss is left to only the two participants to decide. Some might prefer passionate mashing. Others gentle nibbling. Some might abhor a tongue in their mouth. Others might think you find something wrong with them if you don’t venture in. Kissing is both very personal and very preferential. Therefore, the key to kissing well, is to find a common ground, where you can both co-exist for those moments when your mouths are pressed against one another’s, which will be enjoyable to both of you. To get there, it is almost always best to start slowly. Feel out your partner with your lips, as they feel you. Pay attention to their reaction. If the response is positive, do it some more of it, only with a slight variation. If the response is negative, do something else. One of the beautiful things about kissing is that there is always something else to try. You can nibble or slide. You can kiss one lip, or both. You can kiss them directly, or from one side or the other. The possibilities are endless. It’s up to you to try as many as you can think of, and to notice which ones produce a good response. Once you’ve kissed a moment or two, there almost always comes that moment of decision. To part your lips, or not. Once again, go slow. Part your lips just the tiniest little bit. Just enough so that you know your partner can feel it. If they respond by opening theirs, you know things are going well. If they do not, don’t push it. You won’t be able to change their mind by pressing things, so don’t try. It will only ruin the kiss. If you do progress to kissing with open mouths, there will eventually come another moment where you will have to decide whether to slip your tongue into their mouth. Be slow. Be gentle. Don’t slobber. Perhaps touch their lip first. Or just the tip of their tongue before retreating. Be playful. Or coy. Be courageous. The odds are in your favor. If your partner has their lips open, there is very little chance they won’t be receptive to your tongue, so long as you use it judiciously and with care.
9- Kissing doesn’t happen with just your mouth. It happens with your whole body and mind. Be aware of how you hold your partner. Are they comfortable? Would they prefer another position? And what of yourself? Are you comfortable? Are you happy with how things are going? Is there somewhere else you’d rather be kissing this person? With kissing there is also the circumstances. Is it impromptu? Have you been apart from your partner for awhile? Perhaps the two of you are standing under an umbrella and one of you is flying off to war. Circumstance and surroundings influence a kiss. If you ignore your circumstances than you risk mussing up your kiss. You aren’t likely to get a good response for example if there are things about to boil over on the stove, or kids pulling on your shirt. Be aware of your circumstances and adapt. Try to make it all seem as if a seamless tapestry.
10 – Finally, don’t make kissing a prelude to sex. Quite understandably, it can lead to sexually activity, but don’t make it necessarily so. This doesn’t mean you need to tease and then not deliver. It means you need to learn to kiss a person, without expecting anything further to develop. Enjoy the kissing itself. It’s a wonderful thing. You are kissing this other person, they are kissing you. There are few things more pleasurable when done well. Also, there is a difference between kissing someone with little thought and kissing someone with intent. To kiss well, you need to be in the moment. You need to allow the sensations to penetrate you thoughts and to respond. Let yourself be carried away. Put your emotions into your movements. Let your feelings for the person you are kissing move to them with your actions. From your mouth to theirs. And feel theirs as it comes to you. Enjoy every second of it.
These ten tips are intended to help people kiss well. Please always remember, a kiss is both a gift and thank you. It is one of the few true delights left in our modern rushed society. There is little doubt we’d all be better off if there were more kissing going on. Now, good luck and get busy, someone is probably right this minute waiting for you to kiss them.