I have always been the hardest girl to get. I don’t play hard to get. I don’t play any games. So if you so much as smiled at me, I would assume you only want one thing and anything you said afterwards would just confirm that theory. I have always been able to read between the lines and see right through the liars, the players, and the weirdos. Not everyone has mastered this art, and not everyone can. It is in a way, similar to playing a game. You have to read your opponent.
Yes, dating should be considered a team effort, but it never is. You may be going out with someone, but you are still going against them.
The first thing you should know, male or female, is how to ask for a date.
First there are rules. Know what you want. Why are you wanting a date? Do you want to get to know this person better, do you want to see if maybe a relationship will blossom, or do you just want to get into their pants? Be honest with yourself, and be honest with this person. If you just want to get into their pants, do not do or say anything that will lead them to believing a relationship may blossom!
If you are only looking for a fling, then use cheesy pick up lines. That will weed out anyone who is interested in anything meaningful. If somebody actually laughs at your cheesy line, then they must be interested in the same thing.
Those who are looking for something more meaningful than a one night stand, you don’t have to be witty but please don’t try those same dumb pick up lines. You probably won’t find your life partner in a bar to begin with, you’ll find them somewhere else. (Usually when you’re not even looking.)
Before I continue with my advice however, I have one more note. If you are looking for a date because you are just lonely… stop. If you can’t be happy with yourself, then no matter how hard you try no body else will be happy with you either!
First dates should never include going to a movie! Nothing says “I didn’t put any thought into this” like going to a movie. There are a million reasons why a movie should never be part of a first date. It’s cliche, it involves sitting in silence for 2 hours when the point of a date is to get to know the person you are with, and afterwards it will be just as awkward as when you first picked the person up. You’ve been with the person for 2 hours, you’ve covered your opinions on the movie, now what? Avoid that nightmare first date by all means!
Dinners are also cliche. It is important to avoid anything predictable if you want to make a good first impression. However, eating together is a good idea. Here are some suggestions on a good first date.
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*Pack a picnic. If you make your own food, that shows you put some effort into your plans. You’re not paying someone else to bring you food off a menu, you made your own food.
You’re also not sitting in a restaurant, awkardly trying to force a conversation. Good conversations come naturally in an outdoors setting, like a park.
*Go for a hike in the woods. Again, nothing brings out great conversation like an outdoors setting. A hike gives you the privacy of a one on one setting, with no pressure. Keep your eyes open for wildlife like chipmunks or turtles to point out.
*Go to the zoo. If you’re not entirely the ‘outdoors type’, then a zoo is a similar alternative. The animals will give you something to talk about if conversation runs dry.
*Visit the local carnival/fair. This may be bordering on cliche, but it is fun. There are games, rides, and so much to do and see that if nothing else you can not be bored. If you take someone to a carnival and they are bored, then you should not be dating. You should refer to my comment for anyone who is not happy on their own.
*Go fishing, have a paintball war, or hit some golf balls. Do something together than neither of you know anything about!
It’s always a good idea to do something you are sure they have never done before, because it will make sure they never forget. It is even better if it is your first time as well. First times at anything are memorable, and better if shared with another first timer.
However, there are so many girls not like me, prima donnas who would not enjoy themselves outdoors in wich case any of my suggestions taken literally would actually backfire. So I will just note that you want to do something different, someting spontaneous, and something that shows you actually put some effort into it.
You also don’t want to have a set schedule! Avoid that by all means. Spontanaity is very beneficial to making a good first impression. Just go for a walk and see what catches your interest!
Next up, there is conversation. Dates set up for something meaningful are more like interviews. It is difficult to probe into someone’s personality to see how compatible you are without seeming too obvious. I have always had one hypothetical question that I would only ask when it seemed appropiate and a date was going well. My question was “If you were married, who would be more important to you; your wife or your best friend?”
The answers always told me what I was after. Who was a liar, who would tell me what they think I wanted to hear, who would freak out because I mentioned the M word in a hypothetical question, and who would be honest. Decide what you want to know, and come up with your own system of finding out the answers. It’s really very simple.
Avoid talking about sex. Save that for the flings. Meaningful relationships evolve from personality and compatibility. Work through that first.
If you are hitting it off really well, don’t build yourself up. Don’t say “this is what you’d like about me…” Cut off all the fat and set it on a pile. “These are my flaws.” In relationships, the bad stuff usually comes as a surprise and can destroy something that seemed so wonderful. Imagine predicting that your insecurity would be a problem with their natural flirtiness. If you discover these problems in the beginning, it will be much easier to deal with that after a few months.
Don’t rush things. Let it all come natural. And above all else, if it doesn’t work and you don’t land a second date, than it just wasn’t meant to be!