As a child I would watch my father get ready for his busy work day. For years I would stand in the doorway and stare at him with disbelief as my father, turned into a Mister. He was no longer a lounging man who loved to go fishing and was NASCAR, he was a businessman, one that helped make the world go round. However, what was it that turned him from Dad to Mr. McLelland? For years I would watch and wonder what it was, however, one day I finally discovered what turned him into a professional – his tie. I know, now, that is slightly overplayed, and I had been exaggerating as children do, however, as any man, or woman, knows is that in the professional world, you must learn how to tie-a-tie. And normally, the father teaches his sons and daughters how to do this ancient act of becoming a man. However, I never received that lesson. Perhaps we never got around to it, but for whatever reason, I was left, shall I say, half a man. Again, slight exaggeration, however, when I received a job where wearing a suit was something that had to be done everyday, I found myself in a conundrum, “How do I tie this thing?” Well, one day I sought out the truth – or did the truth seek me out – whatever the case, I finally figured out how to tie-a-tie. And now, with my manly knowledge in place, I find it fitting that I share this knowledge with the millions of children whose fathers have forgotten to teach this this sacred act. Read on to discover the truth of: How to Tie-a-Tie.
All right my fellow brothers and sisters, I will now divulge into the six simple steps of tying your tie. *FUN FACT TIME!! In some cultures, the number six is the number of man. Don’t you find it ironic that there are SIX steps to tying your tie? Coincidence? I think not.
Now, the first step. This is the most crucial steps, so pay attention. First off, make sure that you actually have a tie. Don’t have one? No worries, just walk to your parents room and take your dad’s, he won’t notice. Now, droop the tie around your neck, with the wide end on your right. Extend the tie about 12 inches below the narrow end. You with me still? If you need a break, lay down, and then resume when you have fully recouped.
The second step is equally as important. Now, cross the wide end of the tie over the narrow end, and then back underneath. An easy what to do this is, when you cross the wide end of the narrow and back through, the front side of the wide end of the tie should be facing backwards, so the back of the tie is facing the mirror. Oh yeah, make sure you do this in front a mirror, it helps – trust me. And if you can’t get it, you are able to see how funny you look getting absolutely infuriated at a piece of silk.
On to the third step. First, take a deep breath. Now, bring the wide end of the tie, around the narrow end, basically a mirror image of step two, except this time, make sure that that front of the tie is facing front and the back of the tie is facing you. All right, this is where it can get tricky. Don’t feel bad if your head starts to hurt and you pass out – it happens to all of us men once in a while.
The fourth step is my favorite because it involves a lot of dancing and such. Now, pass the wide end of the tie up through the loop that you have made. Okay, that was vague, wasn’t it. What you will do is take the wide end of the tie, and then pass it upward between your neck and where the tie starts, making the frontside of the tie facing you, and the backside of the tie facing the mirror. Now keep the tie straight up, don’t let it droop. Whoa, you’re almost there. Compose yourself, and move on.
The fifth step – only one more to go after this one – now, pass the wide end down through the loop in the front. If your tie is like mine, there isn’t a clearly defined “loop.” There is, however, an opening, where you will put the wide end of the tie through it. When you’re doing it, you’ll understand what I’m saying. However, don’t be discouraged if you have to repeat steps 1 – 4 several times before mastering step five. It’s a process, like learning math and going to the bathroom by yourself. Don’t rush it.
Now onto the sixth and FINAL step of becoming a man, or woman. Hold the narrow end of the tie and then you will want to slide that cute little – err, I mean, manly – know up to your neck, making it snug. Now, if all of these steps worked for you, you know how a beautiful new tie that you can show off to the world. And if you end up with tons of silky material wrapped around your neck in a very unattractive manner, than call your father, grandfather, step-father, or anyone that could be your father, and cry.
Congratulations! You have now tied your tie — hopefully. I will now go through each of the steps, without the witty comments.
1.Droop the tie around your neck, with the wide end on your right side, extended about 12 inches below the narrow end.
2. Cross the wide end over the narrow end and then back underneath it – the backend of the tie facing forwards.
3. Bring the wide of the tie across the front of the narrow end, making the front side of the tie facing forwards now.
4. Pass the wide of the tie up through the loop, making the backside of the tie face forwards.
5. Pass the wide end of the tie through the loop in the front – making the front of the tie face forwards.
6. Slide the knot up to your neck while holding the narrow end of the tie.