Is it just a mere coincidence that election day falls so shortly after Halloween? And that the season for dressing up as devils and witches reaches its height just as campaigning kicks into desperation mode?
Of course, it is. Don’t be stupid. Still, the fact remains that Halloween is the perfect holiday to express your political view. And these past few years have created Halloween costume opportunities like you wouldn’t believe. But don’t be satisfied with marching to your local Halloween costume shop and buying the mask of a political figure like Pres. Bush, Hillary Clinton or Arnold Schwarzenegwhatever. Be creative this Halloween while also making a grand political statement. For instance, if you happen to be a pulchritudinous young lass who is not above, shall we say, exhibiting a certain amount of flesh during Halloween festivities and you also happen to be a friend of the Bill of Rights, then you might consider buying yourself some kind of white dress that you wouldn’t mind ripping to shreds. Simply copy out the Bill of Rights onto the dress in paint or marker or even some sophisticated imaging device and then-just as Pres. Bush has done to the real thing-take a knife to it. Slice those Bill of Rights up to the point at which you would be comfortable wearing it in public. When people stop to stare at your costume, wow them with not only your body, but your intellect by informing them that you came as civil liberties under Pres. Bush.
A great Halloween costume idea for a couple of buddies is for one to show up as Vice Pres. Dick Cheney and the other to show up with his face blown off. Obviously, this costume idea references Cheney’s (No, He Wasn’t Drunk When He Did It) ill-fated quail hunting trip in which he shot the dude in the face. But since it is Halloween and gory hyperrealism is the rule of the day, don’t just be satisfied with some peppering of the face with birdshot, do it up right. To make it even more realistic, the guy who shows up for the Halloween party as Dick Cheney should be holding a shotgun in one hand and a bottle of bourbon in the other. And to make it even more realistic, the victim should not only be gruesomely made up, but should resemble any liberal politician. No doubt in his drunken state of mind when the accident really took place, Cheney thought he was shooting at Joe Lieberman, the only Democrat stupid enough to actually go on hunting trip with Deadeye Dick.
Yet another good Halloween costume idea for those wanting to make a political statement involves buddies. One gets dressed up as Jesus, but not the beatific Jesus we’ve all come to know and love. No, this Halloween costume idea involves looking like the beaten and bloodied Jesus as featured in Mel Gibson’s movie The Passion of the Christ. And then, naturally, the other buddy comes in costume as Mel Gibson fresh from a high speed chase in which he managed to elude the police this time, with a beer in each hand. What makes this buddy-themed Halloween costume idea so entertaining is that the Mel Gibson of the duo doesn’t just launch into generic anti-Semitic venom, but he specifically blames Jesus for all the wars the world has ever known. This one works especially well if you’ve got the resources to include one of those blood bladders that spurts out blood, making it look like the person is really bleeding quite profusely. Every time the guy going as Mel Gibson launches into another anti-Semitic tirade, he kicks and punches the Jesus guy, making blood spurt everywhere. (Admittedly, this is probably not a good Halloween costume idea if the party you are going to is being thrown by a Ned Flandersa-type.)
This next costume idea is for a trio of people, but it works best if one of them is Vietnamese in appearance. Otherwise, you’ll have to do an Asian makeup job ala Marlon Brando in The Teahouse of the August Moon. The other two come as John McCain and George W. Bush. Throughout the party, the Vietnamese guy-who is costumed as a member of the Viet Cong-keeps trying to torture the John McCain into spilling secrets and admitting that America is a capitalist empire of money-hungry thugs, but, of course, McCain won’t do it. No matter how much torture he is subjected to, the guy who comes as John McCain resists. However, throughout the night the guy dressed as Pres. Bush keeps coming up and asking the McCain guy to do a series of increasingly humiliating things. McCain always at first replies no, to which the Pres. Bush guy replies, “Now, John, you do still want to be President, right?” And then the McCain guy goes ahead and does whatever humiliating thing was requested of him.
As you can see, you turn Halloween and election day into a brand new hybrid holiday. You just have to be a little creative and think not outside the box-and boy is it time to retire that phrase from common usage-but to think over the box. Why be satisfied with merely going as the Grim Reaper, when you could add a Pres. Bush mask and add a little realism to your costume?