Apparently, Simon Cowell is under the delusion that he is responsible for the success of Jennifer Hudson. Strange that. I’ve never actually watched an entire episode of American Idol-I think my record is about ten minutes-but since American Idol permeates the consciousness of America through nightly wrap-ups on local TV newscasts and wall to wall coverage by the 24 hour news channels, even someone who desperately tries to avoid coming into contact with the show can’t help but hear dirt when it’s dished.
From what I’ve gathered, Simon Cowell is upset because Jennifer Hudson didn’t bow down and thank him and the drunk and the fat guy involved with American Idol for giving her the opportunity to become an Oscar-winning movie star. Am I missing something here? I don’t recall Alan Arkin thanking the guy who cast him in his first bit part. I don’t recall Helen Mirren even mentioning the name of Michael Powell who cast her in Age of Consent, one of her first starring roles. And Michael Powell is a man with a recognizable talent.
Which brings us to Simon Cowell. Let’s see. Here is a guy whose contribution to society rests upon his ability to put people down and his ability to foist remarkably uncharismatic singers upon the charts. In other words, if Simon Cowell had never existed, the world would without question be a better place. If only because those of us who go shopping would never have to listen to the squawking of wannabe singers like Clay Aiken. Had it not been for Simon Cowell, perhaps the money spent making From Justin to Kelly could have been spent on something far more preferable: anything from any other movie to, say, improving the plumping system of the producers responsible for that utterly contemptuous piece of dreck.
Jennifer Hudson should thank Simon Cowell? Okay, I’ll bite. If that also means that Simon Cowell apologizes for the night his mother and father procreated and produced the living, breathing piece of phlegm that Simon Cowell is. What Cowell apparently fails to appreciate when he says things like American Idol presents an opportunity for all those who have had doors slammed in their faces is that he and his overeating, overdrinking co-horts are creating a climate in which really talented people will start getting doors slammed in their faces as the preference moves further toward flash over substance. Simon Cowell is the poster boy for that; he is all flash with no substance. So lacking in substance is he that I sometimes question his very existence. I often think that Simon Cowell is just a boogeyman meant to keep kids from straying too far from home. That lack of substance is fine for a reality show; I mean who the hell ever watched a reality TV show for substance? But American Idol is systematically destroying what future the music industry had left. And there wasn’t a lot of future there to begin with.
In exchange for authentic talent that rises up the ranks-think of artists like Elvis from Presley to Costello-what we are seeing is record companies searching en masse for the kind of bland, easily packaged big load of nothing like the winners of American Idol. And for this, Simon Cowell actually has the nerve to strut around like he’s actually contributing to society. I think it would be poetic justice if Jennifer Hudson not only never acknowledged the part that American Idol allegedly played in her success, but that she one day develops a script that shows what really went on during his tenure there. Deep down inside even his biggest fans know what a dilettante Simon Cowell must be. What beautiful irony it would be to have some really fruity nobody play him in a movie.
I wonder how much Simon Cowell would thank the producers for making his pitiful excuse for an existence worthy of a cinematic interpretation?