When I was Internet Dating, I came across a woman online that termed her tactics on determining whether or not you were a player as “PLAYDAR”. I asked myself, “What the heck is PLAYDAR?” Well, I talked with her and found out a few pointers and have since discovered and found out several very good techniques and tactics to protect you. First of all, there are different types of players and men vs. women have quite different motives for some types of players. This “PLAYDAR” I will describe applies for women to use to determine a male “Player” who just wants to use your emotions to get sex. In other words, a man who has no interest in a long-term relationship. He may be truly single or not. I mean, he could be in multiple relationships or may even be married. Regardless, these are the warning signs and tactics to use to get your “PLAYDAR” up and functional. It is divided up into two areas: 1). Warning signs 2.) Offensive Tactics.
1.) He never answers his cell phone when with you. He is not just being polite women, he is hiding something.
2.) If he wants sex right away, then he is not legitimate. Don’t give it up until much farther in the relationship, when you are sure he is real and not dating anyone else.
3.) Too much mystery. If he does not let you know about his work or past relationships, then this is a red flag.
4.) Too many past relationships that have ended bad. Honest people feel bad about hurting other people’s feelings. If he does not show remorse in past relationships, then you would just be another one on his list of “Played”. Move on.
5.) He does not let you know where he lives. Before a first date, you should know phone numbers, address where each other lives, and other people should know about the date. Just common sense.
6.) You catch him in any lie. Don’t ignore any lie. Probe further.
7.) If things move fast, then you could be in the process of being played.
8.) If he tells you he is falling in love fast. Come on, be real. Real relationships that last don’t progress at a fast rate and how can someone love you right away.
9.) If he asks to borrow money, then run for the hills.
1.) This is the best offensive weapon you can have to test your new man. There are two ways to do it. What you must do is create a new profile and use it to contact your new man. The purpose is to see if he responds to you. Since most websites do not allow you to create a false profile, you may want to use a friend who is on the website and he does not know them. You can just initiate a new contact, see if he responds. If he is legitimate, his response will be no more than “Thanks for the reply, but I am dating someone and want to see how it works out”. Anything other than this, move on.
2.) On a first date or shortly after, ask him to see his driver’s license. There is no legitimate reason he should not be able to show you. Tell him it is for safety reasons and be willing to show yours too! If he lied about where he lives or his age, this will catch him red handed.
3.) Ask for his work number. You don’t necessarily want this, but are just looking for his response. Just tell him you thought it would be nice to say hi during lunch. If he is truly legitimate, he would give it to you. This might be good after several dates though, and not good for the first date. You can also ask for his work e-mail. He might come back and say that he can’t take personal calls and e-mail at work, which may be true. But, come on, everyone can at least take a phone call. Again, you are just reading his reactions. If he seems nervous and gets mad, then he is not legitimate.
4.) If you get invited to his house, make sure it is his house. What does this mean? Well, he could be borrowing someone’s house. You should see pictures of him and his kids. If not, then question some more. This is extreme for someone to portray another person’s house as their own, but it could happen if he was married and trying to hide that fact.
5.) Search state records for marriage and divorce licenses. This is where the internet comes in handy. If he was married and divorced, then these are public records you can verify. You actually don’t have to look it up. You could just ask to see his divorce decree. Again, the reaction is important.
6.) Ask to talk to some ex girlfriends. Here again, you are just looking for his reaction. If there is nothing to hide, then he would let you talk to a few. If he says no, then move on.
7.) Ask the question directly whether or not he is dating someone else. Yes, it is that simple, just ask! I want to point out again, that if you catch him in any lie, probe further! And, you are reading his reaction.
Now, some of these tactics and advice might seem extreme, so use them wisely. You might scare off someone who is legitimate. But, be tactful, and that won’t happen. I hope this helps and gives you some good tips and advice to go on the offensive and weed out the players. Good luck!