We begin with a story, one of those urban relationship myths. Girl (“Erin”) meets boy (“Erik”). Erin and Erik have a first date, one of those rare first dates when everything is perfect. A second date becomes a third, so on and so forth. Six months go by, and Erin and Erik begin to talk seriously of marriage. Then Erin catches Erik in bed with her best friend. Hearts break, tears fall, relationships end. Erin might wish that Erik’s next girlfriend will cheat on him, as a form of retribution.
Is there such a thing as “dating karma”? Will Erik, by rule of some cosmic law, have his heart stomped on – and soon? Or will he continue in his bad-boyfriend idyll, getting two-for-one deals all over town by ripping apart girls and their friends? If the Fates were kind, would they not ensure that Erik will suffer the same heartache?
And have we been victims of dating karma, ourselves? It often seems as though the shadow of one relationship follows you to the next. You may catch yourself comparing and contrasting, and there is always that period of adjustment at the beginning. Men all have their bad habits, but some have managed to take them to the next level. It’s always amazing the variety that different men can bring to sloppiness and laziness (but us, too, ladies, we’re not off the hook that easily). Have you ever felt almost haunted by the presence of a former lover?
Getting your heart broken isn’t something you can breeze through. It isn’t the sort of thing you can get over all alone, either. It’s when you’ve experienced a gut-wrenching break up that you need your galpals more than ever – so don’t neglect each other, ladies, when the relationship’s all sunshine and roses. Eventually, things might begin to stink, and you’ll be glad of girlfriends then. After so many tears and so many break-ups, you may start to look for reasons why it all went wrong. Is it you…or is it your dating karma?
The guilt of breaking someone else’s heart can be every bit as bad. It will eat away at you, follow you around, remind you of it’s presence in every hand-holding couple you see. “Marie” cheated on a boyfriend once, and now is dead-positive that she will one day be cheated on by a boyfriend in return. She says it’s completely inevitable.
Must be dating karma!
But relationships fall apart, and men come and go. A single friend of mine said the other day, “I’m tired of them coming and going. I want one to come and stay.” Well, don’t we all. Willing it will not make it happen, just like with Erik and his cheating. If Erik’s next girlfriend cheats on him, it’s because they don’t belong together. We might sit around and wonder why and pick it apart all day long and come up with nothing. Simply, you two do not belong together if one or the other cannot be faithful. Don’t give me any junk about late nights and drunken parties – I don’t want to hear it. Call it dating karma, call it the wrong man, call it something to be recovered from – do whatever you want with it. When one man leaves, another will be along at some point.
There’s nothing karmatic about it. Men and women seek out each other’s company, and eventually you’ll find one that just does it for you. Mostly, you’ll get hurt. That is the risk of trying to fall madly in love. And let’s be serious, doesn’t everyone want to be madly in love?
The only time dating karma can really exist is when you cannot completely let go of a former relationship. Comparing your new boyfriend to your old is usually a dangerous practice, and means you’re still thinking too much about that relationship. Even when your new boyfriend seems to outshine the old, just recognize that briefly and forget about it from then on. Old breakups have a way of rearing their ugly heads in our deepest thoughts. The “why” and “when” and “how” and “for what reasons” can drive you insane, until you’re picking apart your new lover and your new relationship. It is good to analyze things, but all things in moderation.
Love is, after all, fifty percent blind faith. That means trust, and you have to learn how to give it even when your heart’s been crushed to a thousand pieces. Give yourself some time, but learn how to trust again. Because you have to be open before you can be in love.
Then dating karma won’t be so much of a problem…hopefully.