Did the Holocaust really happen? Did Adolf Hitler really murder six million Jews? Maybe the truth is that they all simply got on board a space ship to colonize other planets? Or maybe it is more likely that they all committed mass suicide and threw themselves into the ovens and gas chambers as part of a Zionist conspiracy against good old Uncle Adolf?
These are the questions Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad set out to answer by gathering together what can only be described as characters that if they weren’t here on Earth would be sitting in the seats of Mos Eisley Spaceport. To call them a collection of “scum and villainy” however might even be an understatement considering that former Imperial Wizard of the KKK, David Duke was but only one of the attendees.
Discussing whether or not the Holocaust happened is like questioning if the sun rose this morning. You can look up and you can see the sun just like you can look up and see the remnants of the Holocaust including those that are still alive and were scared by it bearing the tattooed numbers from the depravity. Not to mention that the vast graves and horrid collections of trinkets made from the skin and bones of murdered Jews would tell anyone with even the intelligence of a ripe tomato that “Yes Virginia, there really was a Holocaust.”
At times President Ahmadinejad has tried to back track his statements saying that he is simply uncertain of, and not willing to believe, that so many were murdered by evil madmen. I guess it all depends on how you define “holocaust” eh Mahmouy my boy?
And now that his little conference has ended and he has once again called for the destruction of the Zionist empire, President Ahmadinejad needs to find some way to keep attention on him until he gets a nuclear weapon and starts making good on his multitude of threats. So I thought that maybe we could explore what will be next for President Ahmadinejad to “investigate”.
First up? How about the moon landing? After all, for years it has been questioned and it has been proposed by conspiracy theorists that it was just a stunt staged on some back lot set in Hollywood. Maybe Mahmoud can get to the bottom of this for us by calling together a group of moon landing deniers. Then they can all sit around and pat themselves on the back after a two day conference and congratulate themselves on how they proved the moon landing never occurred because they said it didn’t. Maybe he can try to convince everyone the Jews were behind that too.
OH! I know! He can investigate 9/11 and finally get to the truth once and for all. That truth? Why nothing other than that Dick Cheney and George Bush flew the planes into the World Trade Centers themselves by remote control, that Donald Rumsfeld fired the cruise missile which hit the Pentagon after disguising it to look like a plane and that Condi Rice was responsible for hiding the passengers on flight 93 after they were off loaded in Cleveland. He will probably also claim to know exactly location of the mass grave where their bodies are buried. And to boot he can prove that all the Jews really were warned to stay home so that they wouldn’t die in the so-called “terrorist attack”.
Next? How about the assassination of JFK? I’m sure that with his gold level membership in the Tyrants of the World Club President Ahmadinejad could easily sit down with his fellow left wing cuckoos and conclusively show that President Kennedy was killed by a single top secret United States munition that was able to duck and weave and arrive on the stretcher unscathed. I would further suggest that he get Snarlin’ Arlen “Single Bullet” Specter to chair this investigation.
But then what? Well, there is the still “unsolved” murder of Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman. Perhaps President Ahmadinejad could hit the links with O.J. and discover the identity of the real killers? It was probably the Jews but we will know for absolute certain after the in-depth and thoughtful investigation Mahmoud will certainly conduct.
Then after that he can form a commission to find Amelia Earhart. She’s been missing for an awfully long time and I’m sure that President Ahmadinejad can discover the truth that the United States had her killed because she was really the daughter of a human/alien cross breeding project. Of course it will also be shown to be a plot conceived by the evil Jews just like everything else is.
Then there’s the question about what really happened in Siberia on June 30, 1908. Was it an asteroid? Perhaps more aliens? Or maybe it was just a cow with really bad gas? Mahmoud can certainly get to the bottom of it using the same sort of setting he used to investigate the Holocaust and once again link the Zionists to this event as well.
And you know what else he can tackle? Donut holes! How do they get them in the donuts? I’m sure that with Mahmoud on the case we will quickly discover them to be a Zionist plot just like the “myth” of the Holocaust. He’ll probably also let us all know how the secret ingredient in donuts is the blood of Palestinian babies placed there by the evil Jews.
And last but not least “Adolf” Ahmadinejad can hold a conference to FINALLY get to the bottom of the age old question of “How many licks DOES it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop?” And to do it he can gather together a bunch of people that will deny the existence of the “Tootsie Pop” entirely and claim that the Tootsie Pop is a construct of the evil Zionists to take over the planet.
I’m sure there are more cases for Mahmoud to crack. But I firmly believe that by the time he runs through this list he will have accomplished his goal of having nuclear weapons and won’t need any more distractions and stunts to gain attention. He’ll have all the attention he could possibly want then.
J.J. Jackson is a libertarian conservative author and owner of Conservative News & Opinion – The Land of the Free and also The Right Things – Conservative T-shirts & Gifts