Are you a victim of the green-eyed monster? Are you disgusted at the thought of your partner glancing at another, or otherwise agitated when others cop a look at your partner? Jealousy is a serious issue that plagues – yes plagues – many relationships. Let’s face it, we’re dealing with the dramatics of people who are challenged emotionally, when facing those possessed with the green-eyed monster!
A common definition for jealousy is described as an emotion experienced by those who perceive that another person is giving something that s/he wants, (typically attention, love or affection) to a third party.
So how do you quell those seemingly uncontrollable emotions? How do we begin to change the view of ourselves so we can project different emotions and perceptions onto others? The issue, in my humble opinion, should be focused on the perception of oneself. Our opinion of ourselves determines how we view that which we feel is rightly ours. If our opinion of ourselves is low or negative then we’ll logically compensate by smothering what we think we possess and envy what we desire.
So picture this: you’re very much in love with someone, and are in a serious relationship. You periodically go out of town and while you’re away, you know (or think you do) your lover’s habits; s/he goes to bed rather early and goes to work early in the morning. So, as you’re away for about a week, and one particular evening you ring when you “know” that your lover will be in, but there’s no answer. The images begin to flash into your head with repugnant thoughts so intrusive that they actually make you sick. The next morning you call their office, but a co-worker answers and say’s that they’re not in yet. Oh no. Oh God. The intrusive thoughts begin to make their way into your head. Images that disturb you to the core. You know something’s up. Speaking of up, your stomach starts to churn. You’re in what we can deduce as being in a jealous rage.
You’re angry, feel violated and want revenge! You want to control the situation, but you’re out of town! You desperately want to control the situation and yet if you stopped to breath and calm down, you’d realize that nothing has actually happened. You’re out of touch with your lover and can’t communicate your frustration but this feeling isn’t too far fetched, because jealousy itself can be eradicated by simply communicating effectively with your partner. Communicating your deep feelings to your partner will be difficult for those typically affected by the green-eyed monster. Imagine speaking the truth and uttering words such as, “I need to have more quality time with you,” or “When we go out, I’m not comfortable you leaving me to mingle with others.” Statements such as these will be the starting point to communicating effectively and reaching an understanding, and at the very least you’ll learn to agree to disagree, which isn’t a bad thing.
Understanding the root of your jealous feelings and communicating them to your partner is the basic solution to help you conquer the Green-Eyed Monster!
