You don’t really need to stare off into the cosmos struggling with the belief that someone you care about has manipulative behavior and is taking advantage of you because you already know. As intelligent beings, we all come equipped with a nagging voice inside that shouts when something isn’t right or when someone isn’t everything they’re claiming to be. Unfortunately, a lot of us ignore that voice and are victimized by manipulative behavior on a continuous basis.
Whether it’s a family member who exploits the love we have for them or a co-worker who believes we’re feeble minded because we’re friendly, it’s not easy to confront this person with our feelings because it’s much easier to just get along.
But when do we make a decision to draw the line and acknowledge that we’re being run over by someone with manipulative behavior and, more than anything, when do we decide to do something about it?
Do we wake up one morning, refusing to get out of our beds; Exhausted from trying to save that relative that’s not even interested in saving themselves?
Or is it when the telephone rings, we look at the caller I.D. and feel nauseated?
Do we then accept that it’s time to cut all ties with this person?
Whenever your awareness hits, I’m willing to bet you’ll notice you’ve been feeling awful for some time now.
You’ve probably been shushing the inkling inside, believing you’re the one with the problem, but at the same time, you’ve also noticed you can never shake the weird vibe you get every time this person is around.
Honestly, you suspect your relationship with your manipulator is a joke and the joke is repeatedly on you!
You want to disappear and don’t think for one moment this crafty individual doesn’t sense you’re tiring of them. That’s when they smooth things over and begin the artistry of their manipulative behavior all over again. And you proceed, as always, to fall for it.
So, just in case you’re not sure, let’s examine what manipulative behavior is.
According to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary to manipulate means to “control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one’s own advantage” or “to change by artful or unfair means so as to serve one’s purpose”.
The bottom line is, whoever’s abusing you with their manipulative behavior and using you for their own selfish reasons are also controlling you in a big way and they’re being very creative doing it.
Physically, they’re not holding you captive, but they have a hold on your mind and once you’ve finally escaped your manipulators grip, if you escape, you’ll wonder how you allowed it go on for as long as it did.
The answer to that is uncomplicated. Sympathy.
The one thing I’ve noticed about people with manipulative behavior who relentlessly use others is they all have a story and it’s forever a sad one.
Their sad stories can be real or as I have experienced ‘made up’, but nonetheless, their goal is to have you do things for them they can easily do for themselves.
Not only that, but your money and your time are all under close inspection and the more they assume you have the better. Somehow, they believe you owe them the abundance that you’ve worked hard for.
A majority of time, these people are capable of managing their own affairs; they’re smart, full of life and may even have a few college degrees, however, their conduct is so contradictory that you, or no one else for that matter, can comprehend why they reek of self-inflicted difficulty.
Often, this type of manipulative behavior is directly connected to someone with a personality disorder.
The resource, ‘DSM-IV Made Easy: The Clinician’s Guide To Diagnosis’ states that “Personality disorders are collections of traits that have become rigid and work to individuals’ disadvantage, to the point that they impair functioning and cause distress.”
And your stress.
So, now it’s time to DESTRESS. You can break the ties of this disastrous relationship if you always remember the population who make a profession out of leeching and advocating their own manipulative behavior:
*Crave pity. They want you to feel sorry for them, so you’ll offer your services regularly without expecting anything in return.
*Will be your friend as long as you’re available for favors, when you’re not available they’ll quickly dump you.
*Don’t really like you (hey, they don’t like themselves) and may even be envious of you. However, they do need you. They’ll play the ‘buddy game’ to get what they want. Don’t be fooled!
*Are self-centered. They may ask for a lot of assistance, not taking into consideration you have a busy life of your own.
*May make back handed comments. Pay close attention to those comments. This is what your moocher really thinks of you.
You need to:
*Use the word “No!”
*Understand it doesn’t matter how much you aid or how long you counsel your user, they will never appreciate your good deeds. They’ll laugh behind your back; feeling satisfied that they were able to “con” something else out of you.
*Look out for yourself first. A leech can keep you from achieving your goals, financially or otherwise. Don’t get sidetracked by volunteering to pay bills or put aside your business affairs; Suggest to the person that they must seek help elsewhere.
*Let the relationship go. They may gossip about you brutally and turn everyone against you, but just remember this: They were going to do that anyway. Protect yourself from the vicious mooch with manipulative behavior and soon, you’ll be comparing notes with their other victims.
Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary
DSM-IV Made Easy
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis
By James Morrison