Before getting married, during the traditional required pre-marital counseling at our church, our counseling pastor stated that there is one trick to a happy marriage and it starts with one small event. During the early moments of our counseling, much to our chagrin, our pastor would not define what the one “magical” event was and how we could endure it to assure a successful marriage. Adding to our puzzlement, the counseling pastor would not just come out and tell us the answer – but explained once we had endured the event, he would explain the importance of it.
Sitting in puzzlement for a few days after our meeting, my fiancé and I sat thinking and discussing possibilities of this “magical event”: what it was and how we could engage in it faster to get the blessing from the church to get married. Mystified by the “magical key” to a successful marriage we had our first large fight. To this day, my memory neglects to remember the contents of the fight however the event made a lasting impression on our relationship. Once the screaming and anger levels had reached the vertex of the fight, we both cooled off immediately and drifted into a resolution. Upon our next meeting with the counseling pastor, he congratulated us on our last step into getting a blessing from the church.
Although we were determined to get married along with a blessing from the church, we were abashed on what the “magical event” was that we had endured. He then went on to explain that a couple must endure a decent-sized fight or disagreement before ever getting married – either with or without a blessing from the church. Still looking for answers from the pastor with confused faces, he went on to inform us that all marriages, good or bad, have fights. It is the steps that a couple takes to resolve and forgive each other during and after a fight that makes a lasting relationship work. Therefore, one of the magical keys to a successful marriage is the knowledge of how to fight a good fight.
Although marital fights may seem irrelevant and the opposite action of a good marriage, it is important to know how to fight properly with each other. No, a couple should not pick a fight, just to have a petty fight but rather learn how to work alongside each other during a fight. It is all about learning how each other fights and how to equalize a discussion while coming to a happy conclusion. For my relationship, my husband prefers to sit down calmly and talk through the issue at hand. On the other hand, I prefer to go to another room and think the issue through completely before the confrontation. We both had to learn the perfect way to reach both of our needs. Now, we have learned that it is possible to have both of our methods of confrontation to resolve a fight. My husband allows me to have my time in a separate room while he takes a little time to cool off himself. Then, we meet up and calmly talk through the issue until it is resolved. Therefore, we have found a method that works for both of us. Each couple should discuss how to deal with each others needs while in a fight, each couple will find a different method that works for them.
While I would not suggest picking a fight, just to find out the method that each other prefers to follow along, I would suggest talking about it. Marriage is all about finding a happy medium and more importantly communication between each other. By creating a fighting method, never using the words “never” or “ever” in a fight, never going to bed mad and always forgiving the other after each fight are the main keys to becoming a good fighter. Since every couple will have the occasional fight, becoming a good fighter is the glue to a good relationship.