“Stick and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me” – Anonymous
Words do and can hurt you. My relationship with my mother has been rocky like the Rocky Mountains. I don’t remember a time where I felt close to her. We never were very close. As a young child, I found myself alone in the world. I wasn’t really alone but to me I felt as if I was.
At three years of age I was molested by a male relative. And such abuse happened often and on till I was in my teens. You may be wondering what exactly this has to do with the relationship at hand. A lot actually. It left me feeling disgusting and ashamed. I always thought I was to blame for the abuse even though I wasn’t.
I am beginning to realize I blamed my mother for years for the abuse. How could she have not known what was going on behind closed doors? But how can you blame someone for something they didn’t know. Throughout the years, I have grown to rely only on myself for things.
As my mother she has said hurtful and very disturbing things. Granted it was out of anger and hurt but it doesn’t give her the right to say what she has said in the past. Before I could easily forgive her, but not this time.
What could a mother say to have a relationship no longer be in existence? I was doing a favor for my roommate, my ex fiancé ( long story), she said she was no longer my mother, and she told me the only job I would ever be good at would be to sell my body on the streets. I can not and will not forgive her for those comments, even if they were in anger and hurt.
The abuse was not the only reason for the mother and daughter relationship fallen apart. I always felt I was nothing but a worthless child who didn’t deserve love or the attention that any deserving person deserved.
At 15, the internet became my lifeline so to speak. I “met” a man of 22 years of age. We became romantically involved with each other, as much the distance of New York to Kentucky would allow us to. Meeting him forever changed the relationship I had with my mother.
You know how as a young child you tell little white lies to your parents? What child hasn’t right? I know I sure have told my parents a few in my life time. But the white lies didn’t become a big concern till I began chatting online with a 22 year old man and I was only 15 years old.
That was a first chapter in the relationship going down hill. This went on for three years. It took me a long time to get my parents trust back, but right now there is no relationship between us. When I finally received the trust back, it was like walking on egg shells.
I moved out with friends, and for once in my life the relationship with my mother seemed to be improving to some degree. I began dating my now ex fiancé (who we are trying to work things out, another long story), they didn’t like him for reasons that were not right.
He and I moved in with each other, and the relationship began to hit the fans once again. No matter what I did, it was wrong. I always felt that I never could do anything they liked or approved of. I can recall the countless times my mother has said hurtful things to myself. In my previous times I was able to forgive her but now I simply can not.
There was another reason as to why my mother and I do simply do not get along. What’s that? She married my step father when I was five years old. Yes I am thankful to both my parents for all they have done for me in my life.
I am now 22 years old and own my own. The house was like a hell hole to me. With my parents constant belittling and ridicule I often found myself depressed and un sure of my own capabilities. No they are not the reason for my depression, I believe I was born with the disease.
Now that I am on my own, my dream career as writer is finally coming true. For years I was told I couldn’t make a living off of my writing. But now that I am writing for Ac, I am proving them wrong. I can make it as a writer and I am doing just that.
It feels good to know I am a better person now. I regret the relationship ending the way it has. As of right now I don’t see the relationship with my mother and I getting the relationship fixed. Too much pain and drama has occurred.
If a mother loves you and cares for you, how can she say those hurtful words to their own daughter? She had told me, I was no longer her daughter. I have not seen or really spoken to her since the fight happened. To be honest I really don’t want to.
In hopes of writing this article I hope to reach out to those girls who are struggling with a bad relationship with their mothers. I know I am better person now than I was when I had a relationship with her. Will I ever try to have a relationship with her? At this time no. But whose to say in the future I will or will not.