I worked for a couple of years in a woman’s cloths catalog order center. For obvious reasons as you will see this company will go nameless since the person involved might get in trouble if she still works there. Mostly my group took orders for woman outerwear and underwear by number from the catalog, but the workers were allowed to answer questions about the garments that any customer might want. Since it was a monthly catalog, new lines could be mentioned which had not yet made the monthly catalog or were still in stock but not listed in the current monthly catalog.
Dull work, yes but not when Patti was answering the lines. Patti was a twenty something Canadian from British Columbia, who for a while was a singer in a small Rock band. She was as funny and sexy as a girl can get, probably still is but I have lost contact with her a couple of years ago. One of the regular callers was a man who said he was looking for panties for his girlfriend. It didn’t task Patti long to realize that, he never really bought anything but kept on calling, and would get off on anything related to panties. He was a real life panty pervert. As he asked questions you could hear him get more and more excited until the catalog worker would hang up on him.
Patti decided to zero in on Mr. Panties and do him in once and for all. He had called her line and said “I’m looking for panties for my girlfriend and wondering if you had anything which would impress her?” Patti made the rest of us to be very quiet and put him on speaker.
“Yes” she replied, “we have just got in a new line of see through panties that any woman would just love”. We heard a slight gasp at the other end of the line. “We have nearly nude shades of pink and flesh colored panties with minimal surface coverage. Some are see-through thongs, some have textured and beaded bottoms for a woman’s delight”, she continued as a very clear moan could be heard on the incoming line. “Some have extra lace, and a silk line even has an open bottom for easy access during those intimate moments”, Patti said with a straight face and a matter of fact tone. Several groans and grunts could be heard from the other end accompanied by heavy breathing. “Some are made with clear plastic fronts, and some accentuate the butt with a little more than a single leather strand connecting to the high waist band which can be worn above or below the pant line”.
At this point the strangest, prolonged grunt could be heard indicating that is excitement could no longer be contained. Then a little “ah, ah, ah…” followed by silence. Patti had done him, and responded to the silence with “OK now you pervert, that is all you are getting for free. After this any more calls to this line will result in your credit card on file being charged $100 and if that is a problem then the tape I just recorded of our little conversation will be turned over along with your name and address to the police”. She hung up! We all started to laugh and I even fell off my chair onto the floor laughing.
The story of Mr. Panties is now legendary and still cracks me up even to this day. I guess the moral here is if you want phone sex call a phone sex operator. Otherwise, you may get Patti and the speaker phone. You don’t want that! Do you?