The public has had its fill of the temperamental exchanges between billionaire real estate titan Donald Trump and talk show co-hostess Rosie O’Donnell.
If ever there were two people who needed to deal with personal anger issues, it’s these two. Both have filled newspaper gossip columns with tales of their recent meltdowns with one another and others, so both would benefit from getting help to control their rages. .
This is why they should consider going out on a “mediation date”.These two need to learn how to get in touch with their innermost emotions and there is no better way to accomplish that than by attending a session with a specialist in this field.
Here is how it could all go down:
“The Donald” and Rosie reluctantly agree to meet at the Dr. Omar Whizbang’s One-On-One Psycho-MediationServices Center, located in the basement of a converted building that was once a Connecticut munitions factory. Trump’s only stipulation is that O’Donnell wear a mask to cover her visage and she demands that, if he intends for her to fully cooperate , he has to put on a hat that completely covers up that “hideous piece” on his head.
The two arrive at the destination for their “mediation date”, although Rosie is fashionably late, which causes obvious irritation in “The Donald,” already in a rage because he has to wear a dumb hat on his noggin. .When she finally shows up, a masked as agreed upon, they are asked by therapist/mediator Dr. Omar to leave their inhibitions and hostilities outside the door, informing them that every time an unkind remark is made by someone, that person must pay $10. Trump responds by handing him a $1000 bill, smirking in the direction of his nemesis, who counters by handing the doctor a blank check.
Things are definitely getting off on shaky ground, but the perpetually positive Dr. Omar remains hopeful, commanding the two to sit on the floor facing each other. They are directed to hold hands and take turns saying any word that comes to mind about the other. Trump quickly obeys and, after Rosie slaps him, mumbles a descriptive word of her own. This goes on for a half hour, until the two are sweating from exhaustion.
Next, Dr. Omar tells the two that they must learn to redevelop trust. He gives them an exercise in which one must stand, eyes closed, in front of the other and trust that person to catch him/her when he/she falls backwards. Just at the moment “The Donald”. falls backwards, Rosie instinctively raises both hands to her face to suppress a sneeze, or so she claims. The billionaire only gets a mild concussion, but Dr. Omar decides to give the pair something less dangerous to do.
Dr. Omar decides to try something called an “empathy exercise”. The two are to “trade places” and get an idea of what it feels like to walk in the other’s shoes. Trump laughingly stuffs a sofa cushion under his shirt and puffs out his cheeks, while Rosie swipes her hair over to the side and snorts.
“Speak as though you are that person,” Dr. Omar encourages.
“I’m an egotistical, self-absorbed Neanderthal”! Rosie says, mimicking “The Donald”.
“I’m a paranoid, thick-waisted social misfit”! he counters, in his “Rosie” role.
They continue in their usual negative manner until Dr. Omar bangs his fist on the table, startling them to attention.
“No!” he yells. “I want you to feel the other person, feel what that person is truly like inside, beneath all the external stuff”!
There is a long, dramatic silence, as both contemplate the therapist’s request.
“I …I’m …really scared sometimes,” Rosie finally murmurs, in a gentler version of her Trump voice, as she removes her mask. “I’m afraid of letting anybody see my soft side, scared to allow anyone to see my …vulnerability. I’m afraid nobody will respect me, if they think I’m a wuss. But they don’t know that behind closed doors, I…listen to Yanni albums and crochet little doilies”!
“I am always hungry,” he says, his imitation of Rosie much kinder this time. “I am hungry for …acceptance, love, success! Behind all this, I am a …little girl reaching out, needing to know I am special, just like a fairy princess”!
There is a big “Aha!” moment as the two stare at each other, their lips trembling, tears beginning to stream down their faces.
“How did you know, Donnie?” she asks, dabbing at her eyes.
“And you, you have guessed what nobody else ever has, dear Rosie”! he says.
They embrace, to the delight and relief of Dr. Omar, who reached for his bottle of Valium about an hour ago.
Now, Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump have experienced the inner essence of one another, giving them a reason to start fresh. “The Donald” even offers a shared limo ride back to New York for his new “pal”, which she demurely accepts.
As the two reconciled celebrities wave goodbye, Dr. Omar closes his blinds and sits back with a serene smile on his face, as the Valium has finally kicked in..
I Realize That This Is All Wishful Thinking On My Part …..
But wouldn’t it be nice if it could work out this way?