Well, it’s almost that time of the year again, the time of year when families and friends come together, turning their backs on the daily grind of work and real life and settle into the comfort of hearth and home to bask in the warmth of all that is good and right in the world. Yes, it’s almost time again to celebrate what is quickly becoming the single most observed holiday in the world.
Super Bowl Sunday.
And in between the runaway blowouts that are over by the middle of the second quarter and the astronomically funded commercials that the “liberal media” actually treat as a news event worthy of in-depth coverage, a question will be raised once again. Should networks air commercials for hard liquor during the Super Bowl?
Although at first glance the question of airing hard liquor ads during the annual prime time rite known as the Super Bowl may seem like a no-brainer, it is actually a bit more complicated when you begin to delve into it more deeply. Obviously, it goes without saying that advertising the imbibing of spirits in such a way that sends a message that drinking them is equitable with having as a good a time as the richer-than-God special guests in the skyboxes, or with being more popular than a photographer at a Paris Hilton/Britney Spears panty party, or with being more sexually appealing than whoever your personal hottie celebrity of the moment at a time when children or other advertising dupes could see it is an idea right up there with invading Iraq. So, from that rigid point of view, yes it would be better were those annoying Tanqueray ads not aired. (Although, frankly, it would simply be better if those Tanqueray ads not only were never aired, but if we could go back in time and stick a dull ice pick through the ear and directly into the brain of whichever spawn of Satan they sprang from.
The actual situation regarding the airing of not only Tanqueray ads but all hard liquor commercials is not as rigid as that either/or supposition would suggest; there is also the question of hypocrisy to consider. Lest we forget, beer advertising has traditionally been the single biggest ad revenue builder for the NFL for at least as long as those original Miller Lite commercials starting popping up. And those beer commercials air at practically all times of the day, while sending that very same message of alcohol consumption equaling a good time, popularity and sexual appeal.
When it comes right now to the facts, Fanny, there is simply no possible way that anyone can construct an ethical justification for banning the advertising of hard liquor as long as the advertising of beer and wine is still considered acceptable. And the reason for this is because the effects of alcohol in whatever form it takes depends entirely upon the amount consumed. Who would you rather hop in a car with: the guy who had one screwdriver or the guy who downed two six packs? Those who would argue that hard liquor advertising not be allowed must also, therefore, be willing to demand that beer and wine advertising also be banned. To allow one and not the other is the height of unthinking hypocrisy.
So, here’s a fantastic idea, one that is so far behind the times it verges on the ridiculous. How about instead of making an argument about whether or not hard liquor advertising should not be allowed to air during the Super Bowl, we frame the debate so that it’s about banning beer commercials during the Super Bowl, or any time during primetime TV.
Think of the possibilities: No more stupid commercials like those so-annoying-they-hurt “Whazzzzzuppppp!” ads. No more images of thong-wearing supermodels who would never go near the calorie-laden concoction that, frankly, tastes not unlike I imagine most bovine urine tastes. And, think about this: no dumbass talking frogs, rapping senior citizens, or-best of all-John Madden!
It’s a win-win situation. Let us not ban just hard liquor ads during the Super Bowl, let’s do away with beer commercials too. Hey, maybe we’ll even get the extra added benefit of some fourteen year girl not raped because she’s too blinding drunk to be fully conscious of what’s happening.