“Comfort Schooler” is really excited to tell me about how I can save tons of money on my Vinagra, Vanlium, Cinalis and even Amnbien.
No way! Not the Amnnien! Wow, and here I was paying full price for my Vinagra all this time. How silly of me!
“Blistering H” writes to me in French and “I. B. Moans” writes to me in Spanish.
“Shakita” says I’m looking good and then proceeds to tell me a totally incomprehensible story which contains the key phrases “U flower sees I thus hate” and “He hungrily licked the moon”. Somehow I feel Shakita does not speak English as her native tongue but I’m flattered she thinks I’m looking good.
Oh and my favorite spam message of this week is Sue S. Goose’s “Yes, annoy the grand marshall did! Come clap punctually apparatus prose when he will, it shall be kept for him” and at the bottom of this incomprehensible garble is the infamous “click here to get a bigger penis”.
My old email address was continuously flooded with this crap on a daily basis. Luckily, I now use several different anti-spam features to avoid this problem and whenever I visit a website that requires me to “enter my email address for membership” I simply input this old address. Whenever I am bored, or need a good laugh, I log in said spam mail box and browse over the ridiculous offers from very poor marketers.
I understand the theory behind the “mass mail” approach and while I personally do not feel it is as affective a marketing plan as direct marketing approaches, I can at least see the mentality behind it. And I suppose it’s true that if you spam a large enough number of emails, the odds are in your favor that you will make some sales of some sort.
However, I miss the old days of mass mail e-mail spam where the letter you received actually made sense. Today’s crap is completely pointless. First off, they send them with silly names in the “name” field which is a big red flag for spam and most people never look past that point. Next, they try to reel you in with enticing subjects like:
· Hey sexy
· Do you know what your wife is up to?
· I forgot to tell you…
· This is really important!
· An old friend
And other silly or catchy lines designed to make you want to open the email. Some come with attachments and in case you are one of the slow computer users that isn’t yet aware, DO NOT open attachments from people you do not know! In fact, I’d advise being very careful opening those from people which you do know.
The body portions of many of these e-mails are perhaps the funniest part. Some go right into said product and “buy my product” speech. Others tell you some ridiculous story that has nothing to do with said product and provides no valid point whatsoever. But some… like the ones I mentioned above are completely ridiculous with poor English (or no English whatsoever), even worse grammar and spelling and garbled lines and texts that make no sense.
Some advertise products which they misspell or improperly describe and others try to sell products that in no way relate to the person they are emailing to. It’s a very poor attempt at marketing. Anyone actually interested in the product they are selling would be turned away by the intrusiveness, the lack of professionalism and the outright ridiculous attempt to sound like they know anything about anything. I see no point in them at all – unless you want a humorous way to wallpaper your garage…
What do I think about your spam? Unless it comes fried and with toast, you can keep it, thanks!