Jessica Simpson is in dire need of someone honest enough to give her some helpful suggestions for the coming year. This year, the paparrazi had a field day reporting all the events in Jessica’s love life and career moves. The ten reslolution suggestions may help Jessica to move forward in 2007, with new freedom and less drama.
1. Lose the Daddy
What a terrible thing to write, readers of this article may think. Not so, I declare, my suggestion is based on Jessica’s best interests, which are questionalble when “Daddy” is in charge. Mr. Simpson is the same man who publically commented on Jessica’s well-endowed chest. Though her father may have been instrumental in metamorphisizing Jessica Simpson from cute choir girl into blonde pop tart superstar, Jessica’s certainly not singing in the choir anymore.
2. Don’t Let Daddy Pick Your Dates
There once was a time when Jessica Simpson’s career was only beginning and Nick Lachey’s was thriving. Barely an adult when Jessica met Nick, you have to wonder where Daddy’s hand was in all of the matchmaking between the innocent virgin choir girl and the blue-eyed boy bander. It does make nice publicity, though, and Jessica’s manager-daddy sure let the virgin out of the house for a little extra wedding drama. Fast forward to the nice profit made from exposing their awkward new married life in the popular show, Newlyweds, and you’ll end with a pending divorce shortly after the seasons are complete. Now rumor has it that Daddy is trying to hook her up with a Texas football player. Jess, you need to find you own dates in 2007.
3. No More Daisy Dukes
Sometimes, less is more and other times it’s just plain skimpy. Lose the Daisy Dukes, Jessica, and your apeal will rise. The shorts were cute for your character in Dukes of Hazard but I doubt if you really want to work out that much just to wear these barely there shorts. Resolve to find classier outfits in 2007, of you want to attract more than country boys.
4. Find Some Smart Blondes to Befriend
Get Reese Witherspoon’s phone number and give her a call. A blonde bonding may be what’s needed for Jessica Simpson in 2007. At this point in Jessica Simpson’s career, a decision needs to be made regarding which blonde path she wishes to take. Reese Witherspoon is another cute blonde who was able to pull off the Legally Blonde movies and make it to the Oscars with her role as June Carter-Cash in Walk the Line. Reese may have some career advice for Jessica. If Ms. Simpson decides to go the blonde Pamela Anderson route, more cleavage will be needed.
5. Just Say No to Plastic Surgery
Resolve to avoid plastic surgery in 2007. Don’t worry about sister Ashlee’s complete plastic surgery makeover. Ashlee Simpson doesn’t even look like Ashlee Simpson anymore, but more like one of the “Swans” from the same-named television show. Get over not being the prettiest girl in the family anymore and talk to a counselor if the sibling rivalry peaks again instead of Dr. 90210.
6. Read More Books
Reading, in general, can greatly improve one’s vocabulary and help with those big words in scripts. It’s sadly obvious that Jessica Simpson has been given scripts lately that are limited to three and four word sentences at a time. My case in point is the recent movie, Employee of the Year where Jessica was limited to minimal spoken lines and exaggerated pouts and smiles. Once Jessica proves that her vocabulary and reading abilities are more stable, the better roles will come.
7. Make Peace with Ex-Hubby, Nick Lachey
Don’t let Vanessa come between a post-divorce friendship with Nick. Chalk the marriage up to getting married too young or because the pairing looked good in public. Find a way to keep the Jessica Simpson versus Nick Lachey drama out of the media. Make nice with each other. Though it was painfully obvious that Nick was enamoured with Jessica in their home movie series, Newlyweds, Nick has moved on and Jessica only looks jealous fueding with Nick in the press.
8. Join a Feminist Group
The feminists can help Jessica Simpson. Radical interventions may be needed in 2007 to prevent Jessica from taking on more dumb blonde roles in movies, and sex-pot roles in videos. Don’t be intimidated by the feminists, Jessica. No true feminist would ever want you to go bra-less or become something that you are not. The feminists can help Jessica to respect her body and her mind. Join a group, Jess!
9. Get Healthy
Balancing a healthy diet with a healthy state of mind is essential for Jessica Simpson in 2007. In light of all the stress in Jessica’s life this past year, Jessica should consider finding balance in her life in the coming year. Stop the dieting for Daisy Duke roles and practice healthy eating. Find a good counselor or wellness advisor to help. Look at what happened to Britney Spears when she let her image go.
10. Learn to Be Yourself
Jessica Simpson would do well in 2007 to take a retreat. Jessica should resolve to discover who she is next year, without relying on bimbo blonde roles or sexy videos to hold her fan appeal. Prove to the world that you were acting when you thought that Chicken of the Sea really was chicken in a can. Have some fun with your girlfriends and stop accepting Daddy’s advice as good for your career.