It’s there, and it eats at your soul like a cancer. You feel it physically, emotionally and given you continue the behavior it will beat your spirit to a pulp. It is that horrible green-eyed monster jealousy. Whether it’s toward your significant other, one of your friends, yes even your best friend, or a relative, you are caught up in a web of jealousy. What is this really all about?
Jealously is tied into fear, usually fear of loss. By being jealous you put yourself in the most toxic state of mind possible. You drop your defenses and in most cases compromise your radar and decision making skills. Not only is it not a value added behavior, quite frankly it is literally bad for your health. Ever feel how your anxiety level goes up when you feel the pangs of jealousy? Do you really want to walk around feeling that way all of the time? I think not, so what do you do?
How do we really transcend jealousy? One of the first things to get in control of jealous feelings is to try to set your ego on the back burner. This is a big request I know, but the fact is jealousy is tied directly in to your ego. You see, jealously is not love, jealousy is attachment. What you love, you tend to glorify. What you are attached to, you want to possess. Just how realistic is this in the context of everyday life? The behavior is negative, it not constructive and it tends to alienate what and who you think you love. If not controlled, you will do one of two things; you will drive the person away, or you will drive yourself nuts. And the fact is as much as you think your jealous behavior can control someone, you are wrong. You can never truly control the essence of a person and his or her free will. And ultimately this is where our true freedom lies, in our essence. Ergo you’ve lost the battle before it has even begun. Face it you’ll never truly own another person.
I am of the mindset that jealousy stems from insecurity and lack of self worth. It is generally viewed as a direct threat to one’s security. First of all you have to come to terms with your awareness of your behavior. Once you have done this, the next course of action is to communicate with your significant other. Let him or her know how you feel and together maybe you can determine why you feel the way that you do. Sometimes it is envy. The difference being jealousy is more anger based, whereas envy is more wistful if you will. Explain why you feel the way you feel so that together the healing can begin. And don’t be afraid to seek professional help. That is why those professions exist. Do what you have to do to lead a healthy productive and happy life.
Coming to terms with your awareness can be the perfect opportunity to free yourself of this debilitating behavior and can be used as an opportunity for growth thus improving your relationships. The fact is not only are you creating a negative situation for your loved one, more importantly it is self-destructive. Rather than letting your imagination run wild with negative thoughts that you eventually project onto your partner hence creating drama, sit him or her down and talk to them. Let him or her know exactly what and how you feel. Something as simple as an open line of communication can be the start to ending a lot of unnecessary drama.
If by chance you are in a relationship with a person that provokes you into this state of mind, then resolve may be closer than you think. Just maybe you are with the wrong person. They may have just provided you with the tools you need for self-improvement and a prepaid ticket to move on. Hence, send them packing.
If you find yourself jealous in other situations, ask yourself why you feel the way you do. Usually you will find the problem is not with the other person, it lies within you. If it is success, wealth, acquisitions, whatever the case may be, work on yourself to put yourself in the position to acquire such. There is enough wealth and opportunity in the world for everyone, but you have to be willing to do the work. Try to be the best that you can be. Make yourself your project. Surround yourself with successful people and like-minded people. One of the first things you will find within a group of successful people is that no one wants to deal with a jealous person. The vibe and energy of a jealous person is equivalent to that of a psychic vampire. Quite frankly who needs the drain or the drama? And the fact is truly successful people enjoy helping others become successful. But, to get in this inner circle, you have to squash the negativity. Believe this, just as contempt breeds contempt, negativity breeds negativity. Realize you have a choice, so why not take the high road?