Have you ever had a friend who you thought the world of? Someone who you really loved spending time with? Someone who you called your bestfriend? Sometimes the people who you think are your bestfriends are truly not. They may just want to hurt you and others to supplement what they are missing in their own lives. They may tell you lie after lie and sometimes things get too far. A friend of mine was this way. If you have a friend like this it may be time to end your relationship. A friend is not supposed to cause you hurt, pain, or any other negative feeling. A friend should make you feel good and laugh. A friend should be someone you can trust.
A friend of mine was pretty close with me. We spent alot of time together and I introduced her to someone who she later fell in love with. I was happy that I was the one to help her find this man whom she loved so much. It helped her get away from her ex who was constsantly controlling her. He would not let her see her friends and he just seemed like a nasty person. When I first met him he did not talk much or smile or laugh. He gave me a ride home the first day I met him but he did not seem like he wanted to. Now she was with this new person and hopefully happy, but yet she started to become confused. She would leave him and go back with her ex while sneaking out in the middle of the night with a third man to use drugs and have sex. I started to worry about her drug use because she was talking about it often and sneaking out to use it and have sex almost every night. She would stay with this third man all night and then come to school trashed. It hurt me to see but I kept my mouth shut. Didn’t she care about her education at all? It all led to her quitting, but thankfully later getting her GED. I thought she was better than this. Her parents had no clue what she was doing and either did the other men. I started to think differently about her since the third man who she was sleeping with was in a committed realtionship. Why was she doing this? Was she hurting inside? I was not sure, but I wished she would stop.
Once this third man left the scene after being annoyed because of her constant calling, she went back and forth constantly between her ex and the man I introduced her to. I once again did not say anything. She was old enough to do what she wanted and old enough to know right from wrong. I was still afraid for her. She could easily ruin her health by sleeping with these men whom she barely knew. There was not anything I felt I could do. I just watched her crumble. Why couldn’t she make up her mind? I prayed that she would straighten out, but she still kept up her act. Once in awhile she complained that her ex would hit her or throw her on the floor and I wondered if she was leaving some of the details out. I only knew what she told me.
Later, she started telling lies very often which also changed my thoughts on her. An old boyfriend I had been with for six years had a sexual encounter with her and her ex. When I asked her about the incident she lied. To this day she still says it never happened but it did because there was proof that she had no idea of. I never mentioned it to her because I did not want to start an arguement. I cared about her and wanted to believe her but I knew long ago that she was a liar. She also started telling people personal things that I did not want other people outside my family to know about. She felt free to tell her boyfriends and parents things about me. I started to truly see what she was.
She began to start a pattern of using men, which is not a good habit to get into. It could get you seriously hurt. In the winter she would stay with her ex out of town because he had money. Then, she would wait until the summer and move in town, leaving her ex with not even a goodbye. She then would use another mans money and home to live in. Finally, after trying to become pregnant at only seventeen, she did for sure get what she had hoped for. Then, she found that third man again and not mentioning that she was pregnant, she did the same things as before.
The only problem with her pregnancy was that she did not know who the father was. I felt badly for her child who would probably never know his true father and only know the father figure she sat in front of him. She even still went back and forth even though there was a baby involved. She came back in town in the summer with a man and left the other man who had been supporting her with nothing. She even stole from him things that were his and lied to him about it. She left while he was at work and now I saw that she was really in trouble. She stayed with her mother and spent her days walking around town with me. I felt so badly. I wanted her to stay in town with me but i knew it would not last long. She had tons of money on her, which she spent at her hearts first desire so I figured it was stolen, probably from her ex. She was spiraling and needed to get on track.
I remember telling her about the negative effects of drugs because I saw her getting into what I had once tried. She was doing good. Then one day I met her to take our children for a walk and she told me she had just bought some pills off of a known drug dealer and took them. What was she doing? Buying drugs on the street from a known drug dealer with her infant child with her? I was shocked but did not say a word. What could I say? She had already taken them. I even remember her asking me to use drugs and telling me she wanted to after she knew I had gotten rid of that lifestyle. I told her I hated the thought of it and that it was not what it seems, no fun at all. She just smiled and told me she felt like doing it, although she ended up spending the day with me and not using anything.
Today, our relationship is rocky. She claims I do not make an effort to call her yet she once again left for the winter with her ex without calling and telling me she was leaving town. One day she was just gone and I had to hear it from her mother after I had called and called trying to find her. It hurts to see a friend think they have their life figured out but yet keeps doing the same negative things. She makes accusations about me telling her ex things when in reality I do not. It is really pathetic.
She has no clue who the father of her child is and will not get a test done. The man she is with now previously tried to take her child away from her through court and then she quickly went back to him, I think because of fear of losing her child. Really, she should have fought for her child because I’m sure she would win, most mothers do. Instead she goes back into the old realtionship that she spent months complaining about. This leaves her ex hanging with the thought of maybe having a child for whom he was buying diapers and clothing now ripped out from his heart. She once told him it was his and now says it is not and that he must leave her alone. It really is such an evil thing to do to a man. Not many men in a situation like that would want to bother, but he does and she denies him his right to know if the child is his. I believe that is horrible.
I care about her but I see her not becoming any more mature of the years. She keeps making the same mistakes and dealing with the same problems without ever getting anywhere. I wonder if this summer she will move in town again? I truely hope she has the sense to never get into drugs again because I have seen what they can do, but her habit of going from man to man I do not see going away anytime soon and I feel bad for any man involved.
If you have a friend who lies, cheats, steals, and can not seem to decide on a lifestyle you should step in. I bet I could have convinced her alittle bit more to find out who the father of her child was and try to stay in town away from her verbally and mentally abusive boyfriend. Maybe I could have convinced her to stay in school. Someone like this may need help from you and you need to try to let them know that what they are doing is wrong. Maybe you can save the friendship and most importantly save your friend. Then again, who wants a friend who lies, cheats, and steals? They say people can change and I know first hand that they can. I hope she has.
