I’m not a foe of technology, but I am opposed to how it is often used. Life sometimes seems to be disappearing, while the nation’s population sits glued to its oversized swiveling desk chairs, watching mindlessly their monitors, wasting countless hours searching for the latest news on Lindsay Lohan’s day-long stint in rehab. Here are the most irritating new trends on the internet.
1. Commercials. I was thrilled when AOL finally announced that users would no longer have to pay $23.90 per month to use its god-awful program. But since that time, AOL has only gotten worse. Much of the breaking news advertised on AOL is now on video. Fine, I’ll take my news any way I can get it, so long as I don’t have to turn on one of those demented cable news programs (but that’s an entirely different article). But in order to watch the video on that breaking news story, I now have to endure a thirty-second Metamucil commercial: three men called “The Regulars” stepping into three side by side bathroom stalls every day, thanks to this wonderful product. The result: I don’t know what is going on in the world while I’m sitting at my computer unless it is in text form.
2. Blogs written by illiterates that pass for news. AOL now links on their Welcome Page several blogs that range from celebrity gossip to sports. NFL and MLB Fanhouse stick out in my mind as two of the worst virtual rags I’ve ever read. The grammar is atrocious, the content about as interested as drying paint (really blah-colored paint). And TMZ, well, what can I say about the stupidity posted by them? Sensational news stories on who vomited on who in L.A. Can’t say I could have lived much longer without a site like theirs. And TMZ encourages the brilliant masses who read their stories to comment. Anyone up for the mind-bending debate: Was it Britney’s vomit or extra chunky peanut butter on Isaac Cohen’s leg?
3. Televison on the internet. Mega-geek Bill Gates recently did the rounds on the talk show circuit, making it a point to say that the internet will revolutionize television. In other words, we’ll be watching our favorite shows soon on our computers rather than sitting in front of the television. Many shows are already available on the internet, and you can download movies on the internet as well. Well, that’s just groovy, isn’t it? People don’t spend nearly enough time glued to these incessant monitors. Soon, the family will be able to gather around their PC at night and watch Blossom: The Next Generation.
Thanks for reading about the most irritating new trends on the internet.