We didn’t know what to expect when it was time for our first home study. The home study was being done because we want to become foster to adopt parents. We want this so bad and we wanted this study to go perfectly in our favor.
We had all ready taken our classes. They had went well. We had learned a lot about the system and about the kind of kids that we may actually get to become parents of someday, soon. We were ready to continue our journey. These home-studies were our next step.
The social worker was a woman, a mother. This fact pleased me. She understood why I wanted to be a mom myself, why I wanted to help a child or possibly a sibling group. I also knew that she could give us some useful parenting advice. No parent, new or otherwise, could ever have enough advice or information.
Before she arrived, I cleaned the house top to bottom. It never looked so spotless or dust free. Yet, it didn’t matter. This first home study was all about questions.
She began by warning us that it could take or probably would take up to 5 visits to complete all the questions. Our paperwork that came in our initial packet of information on the fostering system said the home studies would take 2 to 4 visits. I guess, it was wrong.
Then the questions began. Most of the questions I expected and understood. She wanted to know the basics, work info, where we were born, raised, any health issues, our pass education, why we wanted to become foster to adopt parents. Then the questions got a little deeper. What did we expect to receive and give as foster parents? What would we not tolerate out of a child? This questions floored me and my husband. We don’t like stealing or lying, we answered. So this wouldn’t be tolerated? If a child did this he/she would have to leave your home? NO! We would explain why it was wrong and discipline the child. Then what isn’t tolerated? The question was left unanswered and she said we could come back to it later.
We want small children, younger than age 5. What could a child that young do that could not be tolerated? We still have no answer.
The questions than dug into what we saw in our selves, our personalities. What intimidated us? Life changing events, how did we cope? Grief process, how do we cope? How do we handle anger? Were we flexible?
Again, some questions I understood. Some I found strange.
Then she asked us when we lost our virginity and at what age. I just stared at her, biting my tongue not wanting to blurt out that it wasn’t the state’s business. I always believed things like this were private matters. She went on to say that basically they wanted to know was it under normal circumstances and was it with consent, no rape or violence occurring. We both, luckily, could honestly answer that it was normal. Then she needed an age. We continued to stare. Finally, she said younger or older would work. We reluctantly answered.
I could understand partially why she wanted to know if we had been abused. A lot of times children of abuse become abusers as adults. The age thing, I didn’t get and still don’t.
Finally, the first home study came to the end with no more embarrassing questions. We were left with more paperwork and more questions to answer, before the next home-study, which happily is scheduled for the following week.
We were tired. Our brains were fried. We weren’t used to talking about ourselves so much and in such great detail. But, most of all, we were one step closer to becoming foster to adopt parents.