The fragile male ego, already battered and bruised as a result of continuous assault by the ridiculously-labeled weaker sex, over the past few decades, has received one more body blow. A recent survey showed that – given a choice between giving up their cell phones and abstaining from cohabiting with men for a month – a quarter of the women asked plumped for the former. A hundred percent of the men – bless their loyal little hearts – said they wouldn’t give up sex for anything. What was even more humiliating for the guys was that almost half the women surveyed said that they would answer their cell phones during sex.
How much more can us guys take? The history of mankind started promisingly enough. Stone Age men had the right idea. If their women gave them any lip, they bonked them on their heads with clubs and dragged them around by their hair. No question about who was boss then. Even Sir Lancelot and his gang – though chivalrous to the core – never let the fair maidens forget where the power lay.
This happy state of affairs persisted until the start of the twentieth century. Of course, women down the ages have used their T & A advantage to get what they want but, by and large, the gentlemen called the shots. I am not denying that there were aberrations like Catherine the Great and Catherine de Medici (beware of ladies named Catherine) but, mercifully, these were few and far between. The preordained order of the universe prevailed and it was good.
The first shot in the Petticoat Revolution was fired by Thoroughly Modern Millie in the 1920s. Women decided to forgo their time-honored advantage – they flattened their bosoms – and take on men on an equal footing. Abandoning their traditional domain of hearth and home, they invaded that supreme male bastion – the office.
The ladies started small; taking dictation and making coffee for their bosses. But they soon exposed one of the most closely guarded masculine myths. Behind the mahogany desks and three-piece suits, the men they worked for weren’t that much smarter than them. Anything the guys could do, the women could do just as well, if not better. The glass ceiling started to crack – then shattered.
You now have women running Fortune 500 companies. Darwin’s theory of evolution has gone into reverse gear. Humankind is being treated to the unedifying spectacle of men working for women, for Pete’s sake. The first horsewoman of the apocalypse has arrived.
Loath as I am to admit it, we guys need to face up to the new reality. Our long and illustrious reign is over. The 21st century is going to be all about women. The baton has already passed. The king is dead: long live the queen.
(The above is an extract from the diary of a male chauvinist pig. You didn’t think it was me, did you?)