For most committed women and non-cheating men, a man who cheats is a mystery. Often they have respect in their circle of friends and family. They are stable in their careers. These men may even live in upscale neighborhoods. So, why do they cheat? In their heads, men will cheat on their significant other for a myriad of reasons. The reality is that most if not all of those reasons can be distilled into just a few. Men justify cheating for three basic reasons.
Men cheat because they can’t get pregnant, and women can. On a subconscious level, men know that the physical risk of cheating resides within the woman. Most men don’t think the equation through concerning what will happen if a child is conceived. They only know it won’t happen in their bodies. Conversely, many men find it thrilling that their seed will be spread around even if their partner(s) do get pregnant. They may not want the responsibility, but they relish the sense of conquest that the pregnancy will represent in their minds. Moreover, most men will see pregnancy as the woman’s fault for not taking precautions and making themselves available for intimacy.
If they feel deprived of sexual relations at home, many men will cheat. Their wedding vows or other commitments notwithstanding, men will decide to pursue another partner. They feel that they deserve the sex that they are not getting from their spouse or partner. So, the cheating in essence is their way of saying, “you caused this not me.” I know this doesn’t make rational sense, but sexual rejection is a powerful weapon that many men believe women use against them. Cheating is the weapon used by men to even the playing field. It is the rare man that thinks about the damage he is risking to his family by continuing along this pathway.
For men, sexual conquest can be about restoring lost manhood. He will be tempted to cheat if this feeling gets too strong and weakens his resolve. The stresses of his life can leave him feeling unable to change the world that he lives in. Sometimes it can even render him unable to perform with his spouse. The excitement of the shared bed has cooled and become routine. So, during unfavorable times, the stimulation is not sufficient produce enough arousal for him to perform. Now, he feels he has lost control of his entire world.
In order to reclaim that control, a man cheats and says to the world, “see I’m still a potent man.” The excitement of forbidden fruit and secret meetings is a strong aphrodisiac. Often he perceives his new lover as someone desired by many other suitors. In the bed of this strange lover, the man can feel that he has proven his virility by shutting out the other male competition for this mating opportunity.
While most understand that cheating is a violation of societal rules and the mores of their peer group, the need to satisfy their urges and prove their manhood can become a motivator too strong for some to resist. These men are willing to risk their family, community status, financial security, and possibly their health to feed their physical and emotional wants.