There are many ups and downs to depression. I know because I have been dealing with it most of my life. I just recently started on a new medication and at first I was feeling tired and having trouble concentrating on my writing and other activities. After about 4 weeks being on it I started feeling better and found that I was concentrating better on my writing and I was able to get my words out easier. It has been a very good feeling and I thought it was too good to be true because I’m so used to feeling withdrawn and worthless.
Today started out as a pretty good day like these last couple of weeks but here recently I have noticed I’m feeling tired again and having a little bit of a hard time concentrating on my work. To me writing is my work and something I love to do and when there is something stopping me from doing this I find it very frustrating. I hate feeling this way and I hope it goes away soon.
There are too many people in the world dealing and coping with depression. Especially our children. There are many good medications on the market today but most of us can’t afford it or our insurance doesn’t cover it. I have had this problem. I do have insurance but it is not that good because the first really good medication I was on was helping me really well. Then my insurance wouldn’t pay for it anymore and I had to take the generic. Generic versions work for some people but it didn’t work for me because I found myself feeling really awful after taking it for over 2 years. I was having severe mood swings and felt worthless. I even considered suicide but I don’t believe in it and I am honestly afraid of death. I just felt like there was no reason for me to be on this Earth. That I didn’t deserve to live because I wasn’t able to really help people or myself for that matter. So my doctor put me on Lexapro again. I was on this medication before I was on Wellbrutrin and it didn’t really help that much. But since she put me back on it it seemed to be helping until today. I just feel disconnected with life again but not as bad as I did so maybe it is just a little fall back and it won’t last long.
Depression is something very hard to deal with and we all need help from our friends and family. If there is someone you know dealing with this please do whatever you can to make them feel loved and appreciated because too often we go through our lives feeling unappreciated and unloved. Do whatever you can to help this person get the help he or she needs. The right help is out there and the right medication is out there. We just need help finding it.