The Super Bowl 2007 commercials did not disappoint. Some of the most edgy and creative advertisements entertained millions on Super Bowl Sunday, while they feasted on taco dips, Doritos, and Budweiser beer. These commercial advertisements took 30 seconds and kept television viewers stuck on their sofa seats, laughing and uttering “oohs and ahhs.”
The worst 2007 Super Bowl commercials are a different story, however. These commercials did not add new jingles to our pop culture vocabulary, though they may get some attention on Saturday Night Live skits. Ultimately, the worst commercials of 2007 failed to get the most bang for the marketing millions spent for each precious second of airtime on Super Bowl Sunday.
#1. American Heart Association: Gotta Have Heart
Perhaps a more appropriate title for this Super Bowl commercial is “Gotta Have Violence.” This was the worst of the worst Super Bowl commercials in the lot. The “Gotta Have Heart” commercial attempted to educate the public about health risks through a series of violent interactions between Matrix-like characters and one innocent older man, walking around in a giant heart costume. There was nothing amusing or funny about it, unless you’ve played a few too many Grand Theft Auto video games.
The beginning of the commercial appears to be interesting. A man in a giant heart suit is walking down a city street, while another man, with a long black Neo (The Matrix) coat, is perched like a cougar about to strike on a rooftop. When he spots the “Walking Heart,” the Matrix man jumps off of the building and lands on the sidewalk, allowing viewers to see the white label on his back with the words “High Blood Pressure” written on it.
A few more characters join the gang in scenes that flash rather quickly. A woman in a tight black leather catsuit glides in with a “Diabetes” sign on her back, and a man wearing an “Overweight” sign is seen driving a van. The big guy arrives with a “High Cholesterol” tag on his back. As each character enters the scene, it becomes clear that they are there to menace the “Walking Heart.”
The commercial would have done well, if it had stopped at this point and sent the “Beat Your Risk” message that it advertises at the end. Unfortunately, I had to watch this gang of health risks brutally attack the man in the heart costume. After being kidnapped and thrown on his face into a van, the “Walking Heart” is subjected to a gang-style beating in a back alley, until he is finally thrown six feet into a wall and slides down.
To say that I disliked this commercial would be a serious understatement. I now know why there have been parental advisories published on the internet about Super Bowl commercials. The American Heart Association failed miserably with this violent commercial.
#2 Snickers: Kiss
I have no doubt that this Snickers commercial will be one of the most talked about commercials at the office water cooler, but it has also earned the number two spot for the worst Super Bowl commercials of 2007. When did Snickers become sexualized? In this commercial, one Snickers candy bar becomes the catalyst for two mechanic buddies to nearly swallow the shared candy bar whole until they they are just about kissing. That is until they both jump back and realize this, as one of the mechanics exclaims, “I think we just accidentally kissed!” Oh the sheer horror! This is one of those commercials where I cannot figure out if it is pro-gay or anti-gay.
The burly mechanic with the long stringy hair is about as manly as you can imagine, short of the caveman. The other guy appears somewhat less “manly” when he ogles the burly man’s Snickers before he joins in the Snickers feast. This is the scene that leads up to the Snickers kissing incident. The finale has the mechanics ripping out chest hair by the handful. I had to wonder how this proved their heterosexuality?
Snickers wasted their money on this high-priced advertising spot. I am still wondering how creating a commercial that brings two men together in a Snickers kiss and then later having them scream loudly while they rip out chest hair in clumps, will encourage viewers to purchase a Snickers bar.
#3 Sierra Mist: Beard Comb Over
I thought that this commercial would be funny when the man first appeared sitting at his desk with a dramatic beard comb over. My first thought was that Rosie O’Donnell had sponsored the commercial as a jab to Donald Trump. Apparently, this was not the case, however. Sierra Mist was just advertising soda.
The commercial begins with the bad beard combover man being approached by his supervisor at work. Words are exchanged and the bad comb over man tries to bargain for his job by advertising his good decision to drink Sierra Mist. It doesn’t work, and neither does the commercial to sell Sierra Mist.
A rather disturbing last scene shows the bearded combover man leaving the office wearin a pair of cut-off Daisy Duke jean shorts and skates. The actual wardrobe and hairstyle props were actually funny in this commercial, but it would not make me want to buy Sierra Mist. The product gets lost in the commercial and I’ll bet that many people will remember the beard comb over man before they try to recall the name of the soda that was being advertised. For this reason, “Sierra Mist: Beard Comb Over”, makes the “Worst Super Bowl Commercials of 2007 list.”
#4 Pizza Hut: Cheesy Bites Jessica Simpson
Cheesy is definitely an accurate title for this 2007 Super Bowl commercial by Pizza Hut. K-Fed may have an excuse to star in cheesy commercials, but Jessica Simpson should be over that, after one-too-many Pizza Hut commercials with lame themes. The few lines that Pizza Hut allowed Jessica Simpson to speak in the commercial are a sign that next year, it might be a good idea let the pizza bites sell themselves.
The plot in this Pizza Hut Cheesy Bites commercial centers around having Jessica Simpson discover that Cheesy Pizza Bites are back at Pizza Hut, as she rushes into a limo to go find some. Fortunately, Pizza Hut saved at least a few seconds or so at the end of the commercial to advertise the pizza and show a “pizza scene” where hot, melting cheese bites and pizza steal the show.