I have embarked upon what may or may not become an irregular series of articles here at Associated Content. Something I shall term Things to Be Avoided at All Cost. When I do publish items in this potential series you can rest assured that it will deal with a consumer product or idea or person who presents what may well be a greater threat to the union than Bush and Paris Hilton combined. Consider it just another in the many services for the public good that I offer.
I will inaugurate this possible potential irregular series by warning you of a product currently on the market that should be Avoided at All Cost. Namely, Pringles Bacon Ranch potato chips. This is rather strange since Pringles Ranch potato chips are quite possibly the best ranch-flavored chips on the market. And I simply cannot say enough good things about Pringles Jalapeno potato chips. I figured that if the Pringles Ranch potato chips were so good, they could only be improved adding the flavor of bacon. As Homer Simpson once alluded, the flavor of bacon is so wonderful that it makes one wonder why there isn’t a bacon-flavored gum.
Okay, I’m not totally with Homer Simpson on that one, but can anyone doubt that adding bacon flavor to food typically improves it? They say there are two things you should do when showing off a home to prospective buyers. Either bake some chocolate chip cookies or bacon before they arrive so that they are met by the remnants of either of those aromas. There is something about the smell of chocolate chip cookies or bacon that increase the attractiveness of a home. (Bacon has been said to work even with vegetarians.)
So I just naturally figured that Pringles Bacon Ranch potato chips could be exponentially better than regular Pringles Ranch potato chips. Makes perfect sense, right? Well, I couldn’t have been more wrong. In point of fact, Pringles Bacon Ranch potato chips may very well be the most disgusting flavor of Pringles I have ever eaten. I should have been tipped off by the smell that climbed into my nose and clawed at me like a kitten that has just been dropped into a tub full of hot water. The aroma of Pringles Bacon Ranch penetrated my nostrils and almost immediately induced a desire for vomiting. And yet I pressed on. I reached in and lifted a single chip between index finger and thumb, bringing it slowly to my lips, still battling the nausea induced by the odor. It only took one bite, resulting in half the chip making contact with my unfortunate taste buds to convince me that this was not money well spent.
And yet, being the trooper I am, I pushed forward and placed the remaining half of the uneaten chip into my mouth. Chewing, I realized that I had made a horrendous mistake. The Pringles Bacon Ranch potato chip not only isn’t as crunchy as your average chip should-nay, must-be–but once inside your mouth it also rapidly dampens and transforms into something with the soggy consistency of a wet paper towel in record time. Nevertheless, I swallowed, allowing the process to continue on to fruition.
The result being that I sit here writing this as a warning to anyone who may consider purchasing a tube of Pringles Bacon Ranch potato chips. If you value your life, you will resist the urge. Resist that urge at all cost.