If you’re significant other said to you “I think we should get our own place” you’re immediately going to feel one of two emotions. Either you’re ecstatic and can’t wait for the big move or you instantly feel uncomfortable and want to change the subject. No matter how you feel there is certainly one thing you need to know; you’re relationship is about to change, big time. You may not notice any changes at first, but they will come so be prepared.
When he asked, the first thought that came across my mind was “is this is the person I want to spend every day with?” I wish I could have said I hesitated, but I was excited to be turning a new page. I felt moving in together was the next big step and I felt it validated my relationship. By the next month we had our first place and I felt as is life was just beginning for me. At first everything was great but it didn’t take long for the petty arguments to begin, the crying and breaking up, and making up, again. At times it felt like we just weren’t going to make it. Instead of the move bringing us closer together we were actually wedged apart because of our differences.
For me it was the dishes and laundry, but to him it seemed like nothing mattered. Within a few short months it seemed I had taken on the role of mother instead of girlfriend. I even started dressing like my mother, sweat pants, bad hair, and all. What’s even worse is that he started acting more and more childish. He expected me to make the bed, fold his clothes, and keep our home clean although I worked just like he did. It wasn’t long before we were fighting like cats and dogs.
The arguments really began to take a toll on our relationship because it seemed the longer we were together the worse the fight was. You feel like you can say whatever you want because you know each other so well. Sometimes we say things we don’t mean when we are fighting, but somewhere deep down inside I think we actually believe what we say. Those are the things you remember long after the fight is over. You can also forgive, but it is much harder to forget when you’ve been wronged by the one you love. It’s never the same after a fight and it seems the more arguments you have, the more your relationship changes over a short period of time.
Our relationship became stale, platonic at times, and even boring. After a while it just felt like we were playing house, going through the motions and not really thinking. After the first year I felt like I had accomplished something by making it work, but I had it all wrong. Yes, I was still in love and the sex was as good as ever but sometimes that’s just not enough. Inside I was screaming, praying that he would hear me. I had let all the little things that were bothering me build up so much I couldn’t stand it anymore.
I’d like to say it just didn’t work but that’s not the whole truth. You have to compromise, love one another, and treat each other with respect. Without those three things you’re never going to make it. It really is true those three little things will keep both of you happy. After a while there was no respect left in my relationship, and neither of us was willing to compromise. We had love, but love is not enough.
We were together 3 years but it only took 10 minutes to break up and it wasn’t’ a big to do either. We both clearly knew that it was time to move on. Although I loved him very much and cared deeply for him I knew it was over long before we ever said it, or agreed. I suspect he knew it was coming too just because of his attitude change in the last few days. Not every story is like mine, sometimes it works and people get married, and live together their whole lives loving one another.
If you want it to work you should love each other first. Don’t rush into anything that you didn’t really think about. Compromise and respect will take you farther than you ever dreamed. You can’t always get what you want and if you are difficult to live with, in the eyes of your love they will leave you. This goes for both men and women. Treat each other with kindness and respect. Life is far too short to be arguing over toilet paper and dirty dishes.
For Women Only:
If your man wants to rest, let him rest. If he doesn’t clean the way you like don’t say anything, just be thankful that he helps at all. If he won’t do his laundry or clean up after himself and you don’t have the time, don’t do it. He will learn eventually that he needs to be responsible for himself. Women, we are not maids, laundresses, or cooks (unless you want to be). Try not to forget that your man is your king.
Don’t let yourself go. Shave your legs, get you hair done, and try not to go to bed every night wearing granny panties and a T-Shirt. Dress up for your man every once in a while and entertain his fantasies, as well as yours.
Trust your man and keep bouts of jealousy to yourself. If he really loves you he won’t hurt you. You must trust your man to do the right thing. Cherish him and make him feel special. Let him know that you love him. If he thinks you don’t care about him he will leave. Pamper you man but don’t spoil him. A spoiled man is worse than a rotten child. Make him feel important and don’t forget to tell him how much you appreciate everything he does for you.
Remember to love, respect, and compromise.
For Men Only:
Your woman is your queen; don’t treat her like your personal assistant/maid/mother/cook/laundress/insert your own. Don’t ever say or insist that housework is woman’s work. In today’s society men help clean up too. Let her know you lover her EVERY day. Don’t make fun of the way she looks or how much she weighs. Sometimes we are just having a bad day and we don’t need our man picking on us too.
Remember, a woman is a person and we have dreams too. Let us accomplish them, support us, and praise us when we reach our goals. If she wants a career let her have it, if she wants to go on TV let her, if she wants to go out with friends (without you) let her.
Men, don’t let yourself go. This is extremely important. Initially women are attracted to a certain look and tend to stick with what they like. If you put on 20 pounds, start ripping farts in front of your woman, and leave the door open when you pee she is going to get grossed out. Gross habits are the biggest turn offs.
Trust your woman to do the right thing and keep jealousy to yourself. Don’t box her in and lock her away; remember to take her out. If she loves you she’ll want the whole world to know she’s yours.
Pamper your woman but don’t spoil her. A spoiled woman is a bitch. Let her know how much you appreciate everything she does for you. Also, you can’t always have your way and if you’re difficult to live with she will leave you.
Remember to love, respect, and compromise.
Good luck!
