‘Tis the Season! Are you looking for a religious belief but you just cannot seem to grasp the thoughts of Christians, Muslims, Jews, or anyone else in between? Well then the ways of the Flying Spaghetti Monster may be just right for you! Have I lost my mind? Am I a blasphemer? Or is the Flying Spaghetti Monster real and all-knowing? Before those of you reading this begin praying for my eternal soul and start envisioning my future life of eternal hell, let’s dive a little deeper into the subject.
I heard of the Flying Spaghetti monster almost a year ago. Knowing full well this was a parody of religion, I found it humorous but wanted to know if there were actually people on this rock that we call earth, that actually believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster. So allow me to give you some history of the FSM. He was founded in 2005 by Bobby Henderson, an Oregon State physics graduate. Apparently he was wanting to protest the Kansas State Board of Education’s decision to teach intelligent design as the alternative to evolution. He decided to write an open letter and then posted it on his website addressing the issue, along with a rather amusing drawing of the FSM and his noodly appendages. In the letter he professes his belief in the supernatural Creator that looks like a mass of spaghetti and meatballs. He called this Creator the Flying Spaghetti Monster. He asked for what he referred to as “Pastafarianism” to be taught in all science classrooms, because of the argument of teaching intelligent design.
So, where did he come up with “Pastafarianism”? It’s a combination of pasta and Rastafarian. The thought of the FSM has virtually exploded all over the internet and really all over the US. Many atheists use the idea of the FSM as a point on religious beliefs. Would you like to know what the FSM belief system consists of? Well, He created the universe including mountains, trees, and a midget. This is depicted in the hand drawn version that was sent in the open letter to the School Board. Any evidence pointing to evolution was planted by the FSM. How is the faith of Pastafarians tested? By changing things to make them appear older than they are. Here is the example that was given in the letter to the School Board: “a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage.” Mr. Henderson points out that the followers have numerous texts that show detailed proof on why and how the FSM can or would do this. He also adds that the FSM is invisible and is able to pass through regular matter.
Want to hear more? Do you find the beliefs of the FSM to be interesting or at least intriguing? Well here is more for you to chew on, no pun intended. Pastafarians believe in Heaven and here are the 2 main points: 1) It has volcanoes that erupt and spew forth beer. 2) It also has what is referred to as a “stripper factory”. They also officially conclude their prayers by stating the word “RAmen”, as in the noodles. How was the earth actually created? He created the mountain, trees and the midgit (the way the Great One spells it) all in one day, then He too the next 3 days to create the rest of the universe, and finally rested the last 3 days. Humans were not created in His image, since He is perfect and we are not.
Let me ask you a question. Do you like Pirates? Do you know any Pirates? Well according to the Gospel of the FSM, Pirates are absolute divine beings as well as the original Pastafarians. However, even though the Pirate race has quickly diminished since 1820 because of global warming, Pastafarians hope to help the numbers grow once again through the followers of the FSM. Is there certain religious attire that is to be worn to show your devotion to the great One? Why yes there is. If you choose to teach the ways of the FSM, then it must be done in full pirate regalia or He will become very angry. Also, followers should at least adorn their Pirate hat or eye patch daily to show their eternal devotion. The followers of the FSM have been growing in numbers, and according to Mr. Henderson’s letter there are over 10 million of them in the US.
So how about it? Sounds not only tasty but appealing as well, doesn’t it? Well it is the Holiday season and there are a lot of people looking for something to believe in, so why not give the FSM a try? Oh, I almost forgot about the bonus. Every Friday is a Holiday. So imagine all of the time off of school and work, not to mention all of the celebrating to do all year long! So go ahead, dive in, no wait that would be wrong to eat his Greatness. Instead, bow to his noodly appendage and become whole once again. Just be careful because it’s a pain to try to get pasta sauce stains out of clothing. Can I get a RAmen?