Many of you reading this article may be stay at home moms. This profession is also known as housewife, home-maker, and unemployed. It is a difficult career, often under appreciated and in many cases can feel rather unrewarding. It does not pay, not even minimum wage (hence the ‘unemployment) so others may not even consider it a job. Others may think you sit around on the couch eating bon-bons and watching soap operas all day. Others may think you have too much free time, and others may include your husband.
These days, especially with the financial demands calling for two incomes, it is very important that you suck up your feminist pride and “follow your role“. There is nothing sexist about the woman being the caretaker! It is no more offensive that a lioness being the hunter. If you are a atay at home mom, you already know this. It’s your job. This is why when you ask your husband to feed or change the baby, you will get the same response. “It’s your job!”
Why should he do it? He works a long 8 hour shift with only one lunch break and he deserves to come home and relax on the couch for the next 8 hours.
If the problem is really that simple, then yes, he is right. Do not get into an argument over who works harder, or who needs a break more. You know you have a 24/7 job, but he has a tough stressful job also. It is pointless to argue over who works harder!
Again with the sucking up of the pride. Your husband is the only one paying the bills. Even if you are the one who pays the bills and your husband never even has to look at them; he still works hard all week for a paycheck that he has to automatically hand away. This is very stressful for anybody, and since women have the right to work, it has been harder for a man to support his family on his own income. This is a tired argument with only one solution. Don’t let it become an argument. More importantly, let him win this one!
One of the most important things with training a man is to let him be right. Let him win. You don’t need to argue with everything they say or do, and if you do then you will never get what you want or need from them. Some things have to be disagreed on, but it’s okay to agree to disagree on those things. Everything else is just trivial!
If you are a stay at home mom and you want your husband to help you with the kids, accept his opinion that it is your job. From there, it just gets easier and easier.
Follow these simple steps :
1.) Make sure your husband comes home to a clean house and a nice, hot cooked meal every day. It can be somewhat difficult to time the hot cooked meal around the non-flexible, demanding schedule of a child, but it is not so difficult that it can’t be done. Make this one of your job duties.
Why it works: Some say the quickest way to a mans heart is through his stomach. Others say the quickest way to a mans heart is in his pants. Others insist the quickest way to a man’s heart is straight through the rib cage. While I agree with the latter at times, I have learned that the quickest way to a man’s heart is just like the quickest way to a woman’s heart. It’s the little things that count.
Coming home from a long day at work to a frustrated wife can be even more exhausting to your husband than you realize. You’d want to just tune out the whole world and veg out on the couch for the rest of your day. On the other hand, even the most frustrating day at work can seem like a thing of the past when you walk through the door to a clean house with a nice home cooked meal, and a smiling wife.
No matter how hard your day was, when your husband walks through the door it is the first impression you give him that will determine his mood while he is at home.
2.) Again, it’s the little things that count. No matter how hard your day was, allow your husband to relax on the couch if he wants to. Do not nag him, do not ask any favors (yet.) Give him his ‘me time’.
Why it works: After this second step, your husband may offer on his own to help you out (when he is done relaxing) so you can take a break. Continue your job (ex. washing dishes while he is watching t.v. without complaining.
The Little Things (thinking of you before me) are contagious!
3.) If your husband has not offered on his own by now to help with the kids, do not show that you are upset or disappointed. This is where you ask him, very nicely. Take the following into consideration if you have to follow this step.
*Ask for something specific.
Instead of “Can you please take the baby?!” try “Can you please feed the baby?”
*Make it simple.
Offer to make the bottle.
*Make it sound simple!
(Your tone will affect how the favor may sound.)
“Honey, can you please play with the baby and make him laugh? He likes it if you play peek a boo with the blanket.”
“Dammit, will you just play with the baby so I can get a break for 5 minutes!!!!”
Wich would you respond to more willingly?
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Another large part of you reading this may be mothers who work outside of the home. This is another scenario that can be severely under appreciated by others (including husbands). Women have the right to work, so they are almost expected to work. Many women prefer to work outside of the home, but their natural role as caretaker of children leaves them with more responsibilities in the home than their husbands give credit for.
In many of these cases, if your husband is not trained to help, then it may be as simple as a misunderstanding about money.
This is the easiest problem to solve. Let’s face it, men make more money. (In most cases.) Money symbolizes many things, and your husband may feel that even though you also work outside of the home, since he makes more money he shouldn’t have to do any more work when he gets home. Those responsibilities may fall on you. If this is the case, it is very easy to overcome!
Verbally consider quitting your job. (Even if you know you really wouldn’t.) Do not threaten to quit your job. (Refer to the importance of your tone.)
If the symbolism of money has that effect on your husband, then he will probably dislike the idea of having less money more than the idea of doing a few things to make your job at home easier. This should convince him to do just a little bit more to lighten your load at home.
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Finally, the rest of you reading this article are probably husbands. You may be offended by the idea of ‘Training Husbands’ but as you read, you will have probably agreed with my advice. You may even go fetch your wife to read this article, hoping she may follow some of the advice for the stay at home moms. (The home cooked meals, or letting you be right for example.)
If you husbands have made it this far in this article, you may be thinking this is more like training wives. You can think that if you prefer. For those husbands who have made it this far and agree with what I have recommended, congratulations on wanting to know what would make your wife happy. For those husbands who are still reading, the best thing you can ever do for your wife’s happiness is to do something without her asking!
But in any relationship, the bottom line in getting anything you want works for both males and females. so I will stress one more time that it is always the little things that count. It works!