This article details forms of domestic abuse and violence which may not be suitable for all readers. However if it helps just one person break the cycle of domestic abuse then it is worth my effort.
It’s all about control. One partner controls every aspect of the other partners live from money, friends, job, even what they wear and eat. Too much control is a bad thing and can be deadly.
TYPES OF DOMESTIC ABUSE AND VIOLENCE
Physical abuse is hitting, slapping, pushing, shoving, biting or anything else that causes physical pain to one partner.
Mental or emotional abuse is using threats of violence, such as if you leave I will cut, or kill you to control a partner.
Verbal abuse is words that one partner says to another to lower their self esteem or hurt their feelings.
Economic abuse is when one partner is using your money for their own needs, not allowing you to have your own money even if you are the one making it.
Spiritual abuse is when your partner is using your spiritual beliefs as a way to manipulate you.
Sexual abuse is when one partner uses sex to control you either through the act of rape or unwanted advances.
Isolation abuse is when your partner keeps you away from your family and friends and those things that make you feel good.
FACTS ON DOMESTIC ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Domestic abuse and violence knows no boundaries it affects all types of relationships straight and gay, and knows no age boundaries or racial boundaries. It affects us all even if it’s your own relationship, a friend or relative.
Domestic abuse and violence happens every day and is the leading cause of one partner murdering another.
Every 2 minutes another partner is beaten or bullied by a ‘loving’ partner.
I know domestic abuse all to well because I let it happen though out my marriage because I didn’t think it was abuse at first, then my self esteem was too damaged to care.
The first night I met him he was drunk and said he was going to steal me away from the boyfriend I had. I didn’t realize it back then but that was when he began to control me. That was March of 1986 and a life time ago. I broke that cycle on June 30, 2005 forever.
I have run the gambit of domestic abuse, had a protection from abuse order and endured most of the types of abuse listed at the start of this article while married to him. My weight was out of control, my stress levels were very high, I was raped, belittled, threatened, been denied the basis in life such as medical and dental care.
I let him take me away from my family, and my friends. I let him have complete control over my life for so long that I had to reinvent my self when I cam back up and I didn’t know where to start. I didn’t know who Amy was any more. My reinvention was to become stronger, smarter and better equipped to run my own life. I did that but it has taken me awhile and now it’s hard for me to give up some aspects of my independent life style and let others help me.
I became his victim because I let him control every aspect of my life. I stayed home with the kids while he worked low income jobs, because he convinced me that it was better. I let him push away our friends because he said they were not the right type. I let him drink because he was the man.
I took back that control and I am enjoying my life these days. Granted it was hard but I did it and I know there are lots of women and men in my old situation feeling stuck. If I had to tell them one thing it’d be that life is too short to put up with that crap. Once your out it’s not that hard to stay out, you just need to determination to succeed.