Beautifying most weddings today are collections of well coiffed, manicured and pedicured young ladies in matching formal gowns. The dress colors they wear
cover the spectrum from pastel pinks and yellows to winter hues of navy and burgundy. The sizes, shapes and cuts of the bridesmaids gowns will also differ from wedding to wedding but the end result is generally the same. While most brides seek to replicate this more or less traditional pattern, sometimes they find it more difficult to select the maids themselves then the dresses for them to wear. This wedding guide for choosing bridesmaids can help prospective brides over that bump in the road.
Don’t plan on pleasing everyone. If there is one thing that is guaranteed at a wedding it is that at every stage someone is going to second guess you. No matter how many lists you make or how many times you rework your numbers, in the end someone is going to be unhappy . Some of the people who you choose are going to be honestly surprised that you have included them in the wedding party. Others are going to be equally surprised that you didn’t . Some people will be longing to be a bridesmaid, others are hoping that they will be overlooked. There is just no way to please everyone. Knowing this can in fact help to take some of the pressure off. All you can really hope to do is your best, and then you need to rely on friends and relatives to be understanding and accepting of your choices. Look to those who have been through weddings before to surely be supportive.
Have a system. When you first get engaged and you begin thinking about a wedding party your mind can really be racing all over the place. There may be as many as 20 friends and relatives who you might think would be reasonable selections to be in your wedding party. One way to avoid bridesmaid battles is to determine a system to use as a wedding guide for choosing your bridesmaids.
Your system can really be whatever you choose it to be. You might determine to have a wedding party made up of just sisters and sisters in law. Your system might be based on a collection of female cousins of the bride or cousins of the bride and groom over 21. If you are tighter with college or high school friends and plan to stay close, then your system may be to simply select the other four members of your “fabulous five” high school group that has been together forever. It really doesn’t matter what your system is but it really does help turn away the whiners if they can see the continuity of your plan . The more random your selections, the more prone your selections become to criticism. If it’s obvious that you chose just your sisters, for example, then really no one should have a complaint.
Snags in the system. Sometimes even the most tightly drawn system runs into unexpected snags. If you are being married far from home, you may have to substitute friends from your current job instead of the gang from back home. Seasons of the year, the school calendar, other family obligations may all rule out the participation of your first choices.
Good sense points to the value of having, not just a system, but also a back up system. It’s wise from the beginning of your selection process to at least mentally map out a short list of women who you know well enough to call on to step up and fill in if your system meets obstacles.
Consolation Prizes. Any common sense wedding guide for choosing bridesmaids should tell you the obvious. Not every friend or relative can be a bridesmaid at your wedding, But the same wedding guide for choosing bridesmaids should also tell you that this doesn’t mean that these women need to feel totally excluded either. You may have a friend who is the reigning “queen of organization” . Why not make her your unofficial wedding coordinator, a person who can be at the rehearsal and at the back of the church or hall making sure that everything is going according to plan. Chances are she’ll enjoy that more and be thrilled with an opportunity to take charge.
Someone who isn’t a bridesmaid but who can read well, sing beautifully or play a church appropriate instrument might be drawn into your wedding day by sharing a reading or musical rendition. What about your cousin the photographer, hairdresser,seamstress florist, designer, calligrapher, or free lance writer? Couldn’t you really find a place for their talents that would both be inclusive and enhance your wedding at the same time? Any good wedding guide for choosing your bridesmaids will tell you to take the time to consider the possibilities – on both side of the aisle.
Finally your wedding guide for choosing your bridesmaids would be remiss if it doesn’t point out that at a wedding there is one really important thing going on. You and your spouse are making a life time commitment to love one another. Other items like bridesmaids, ushers, minister, flowers, while interesting, by comparison are so minor that they shouldn’t be allowed to take a moment away from your day . so get a system, get a back up system, arrange extra functions for non bridesmaids and then move on to the main event knowing you have done your best.