During a divorce there are a lot of feelings that one must deal with. Sometimes adults may have a hard time dealing with what they are feeling. A man may decide that now that they are divorced there is no reason to continue to hurt himself by seeing his ex-wife. In doing this a non custodial parent may start missing visitations with their child. They may also decide to vent some of their feelings about their ex on their child. This article is written for Fathers to help them to be better Fathers to their children.
First off a Father has no excuse for missing his visitations. I understand that sometimes work may make it hard but a Father should always try to put his time with his kids first. No matter what you feel toward your ex, these are still your kids. The same kids you checked in on in the middle of the night. The same kids you hugged and kissed to soothe their boo-boos. They are the same kids and you need to be the same Daddy. Divorce is a grown-up thing and it does not matter how old or how mature your child is they are still a child when it comes to this. So keep them out of this and be there for them.
For the Fathers that are going to say well she won’t let me see the kids. Guess what that is not an excuse either. You have a Right as the father to see your kids according to the divorce decree. If the mother will not honor the decree, then take her back to court and get the judge to force her. If the judge sees her to many times for withholding visitation, he will find her in contempt of court and can put her in jail. Trust me if a judge threatens her will jail time she will stop her crap and let you see your kids.
Now I know some men are going to say well it cost a lot to keep taking her to court. Let me tell you when it comes to your kids, you will pay anything for them. If you love them with all your heart as a father should, then money is no object. So don’t try that excuse. Save your money, take a second job or what ever it takes to get it back into court. By the way there is a thing called Legal Aid that will help you with paying for an attorney. So see there is no reason not to do everything you can to see your kids on a regular basis.
Secondly a Father should never drill his kids about what their mom is doing. The two of you are divorced and what she does with her life is none of your business. Your only business now is your children. Visitations should be about spending quality time with your child. It should never be about trying to use your child as a spy against their mother. This really does hurt children when their parents do this.
Also if your ex-wife has started dating someone new, don’t let your kids see how much it hurts you. They should not have to feel like they have to walk on egg shells when they talk so that you are not hurt. You are the grown-up; it is your job to watch out for their feelings not the other way around. So let the kids know that you are happy for their mother and that you hope she can be happy with this new guy. Do it even if you are not happy. It does not matter if you hope they both are miserable together, your children do not need to know your true feeling. They need to hear from you what will make them feel good about the situation.
Remember you and their mother chose to get a divorce. The kids did not choose this. So make sure that the effects of the divorce on this are minimal. They need to be able to have both parents in their lives and they need to enjoy their time with each of you. You need to make sure that you are being a man now before it is too late with your children.