You know what kills me about conservatives in general and Republicans specifically? I mean there are a lot of things that kill me, but what really tickles me is how psychotic conservatives get over celebrities making political statements. From the Dixie Chicks being blacklisted from country music radio-the best thing that could have happened-to Joe Scarborough’s slathering envy as he castigates the political views of people such as Sean Penn, Republicans just can’t seem to accept it when a liberal celebrity espouses a political opinion.
This from a party that has nominated two actors to become Governor of California, one actor to become President and Sonny Bono to make laws for you and me. But it’s not just movie stars that the Republican Party loves to put in positions of power. Ever notice how many ex-jocks the Republicans nominate? Well, hey, what do you know, Ah-Nold fits the bill in both cases. Exactly what is it about skipping classes to attend college sports practices and getting smart students to write your papers for you that the Republicans find so appealing in a candidate? Look, I’ve had some dealings with student athletes and I can tell you that many of them are smarter than computer geeks. But not most. And none of the really smart student athletes I’ve come into contact with were first stringers, much less stars. So, you’ll forgive me for suggesting that J.C. Watts, Jim Bunning, Steve Largent and Tom Osborne spent as much time in the classroom as on the practice field. (And just in case you think I’m only going after Republicans, I have to admit I never bought into that whole Bill Bradley is a really smart guy bit, either. He seemed like a pretty big dumbass to me.)
What’s really funny is that it seems like the only black people that the Republican Party can get elected are former athletes. What exactly is the connection between being a star athlete and being stupid? Have you ever listened to JC Watts give political analysis on CNN’s Situation Room? My God, my eleven year old has a broader grasp of the intricacies of geopolitics than this man. Only in Oklahoma could this man have ever gotten into the US House of Representatives. That’s not a knock against Oklahoma, understand. I live in Florida and I fully believe that if Watts had played for the Gators, Hurricanes or Criminoles he could have gotten elected to the House. However, I do think only Nebraskans might be stupid enough to have elected Tom Osborne. No, I’m kidding. Just as Nebraska elected him, I have no doubt that Steve Spurrier could have won the Florida governorship in this last election. And while Steve Spurrier may be an offensive genius, I am fully convinced he is not a genius in any other area. I mean, come on, he’s not even above average when it comes to crafting a defense.
I don’t get it. I mean, look at Charles Barkley. Here’s a funny, charming guy who has mentioned the possibility of running for Governor of Alabama. Now Alabama electing a black man Governor is in itself a strange idea, but I think it could happen. Maybe. The only problem is that Barkley has probably made more public statements of stupidity than just about any other basketball player ever. But that won’t matter. Because he’s a black man who would be a Republican gubernatorial candidate.
What is the deal with black athletes and the Republican Party? Is there some kind of drug they are given along with all the painkillers and steroids to completely dull their senses and turn them into mindless drones being led around by the nose by the likes of Karl Rove? Seriously, look at the ratio of blacks in the GOP as a whole and then look at how many black athletes are Republicans. The divergence is astounding. I can understand white athletes being Republicans, many of them came from middle-class homes and never paid attention during history class anyway, but it just astounds me to no end that so many black athletes are willing to join a political party that openly opposed the Civil Rights movement.
I think it’s time to create a Constitutional amendment that if an athlete wants to run for office, he has to do it in a state at least a thousand miles away from where he was a sports hero. If Lynn Swann wants to run for Governor, make him do it in Texas instead of Pennsylvania. If John Elway wants to run for Senator, make him do it in Florida instead of Colorado. That’s the only way we can fight back against this troubling infestation of dumb jocks conspiring to make our country’s laws.
And I don’t care if they’re Republicans or Democrats.